Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
It’s been far too long since I’ve demanded things of you, but I’m back!
The Boyfriend’s company, Field Day, is a nominee in the Martha Stewart American Made competition and we can’t think of any good reason for you not to vote for him. Lose your arms to a rabid bear? Make like Stephen Hawking and vote with your face. Don’t own a computer? YOU FUCKING LIAR YOU ARE READING THIS ON A COMPUTER.
The benefit to you is that by clicking this link you can ogle his stupid-hot self and also cast a kindly vote in his direction. As a thank you, I’m putting the tit in gratitude and flashing my laptop in your honor.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Of course so does the state of the Union and the youth of America. Seriously. Can someone please tell Miley Cyrus to stop dry humping pillows? And stop acting “street,” we all know your heritage, hillbilly.
Friday, July 12, 2013
I hope this felt shark likes skidmarked underwear because if he lives at your house, that’s what he’s gettin’.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
If you’ve ever suspected that your parents screwed you and your name is longer than five letters, it’s officially official. They did. Krazystraws are personalized straws that can say anything you want under five characters. Silver lining? ALL the four letter words fit. Even ‘pube.’
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I love this lamp and it’s available at Land of Nod implying it’s for children which is bollocks if you’re from the UK and bullshit if you’re from the US. This is far too cool for kids. But you know what isn’t? Child labor.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
These Thumb Tacks are more fun than a night at the clubs. And likely filled with less pricks.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
My iPhone charger is so boring and dumb. But not for long. Introducing Whooz, one more gimmick-y piece of crap I don’t need, but will probably buy. At first I was like, “Oh wow, $12.95? That’s cheap.” Then I realized it’s just for a sheet of stickers, but then I thought about it some more and realized these are actually useful. Haven’t you ever been near another iPhone or MacTop and thought, “Well fuck, is this my cord?” And now you’ll know, “No, no, this isn’t mine. Mine’s the one with the cinnamon muff.”
It’s a good thing this isn’t life size or, you know, you’d need a microscope to see yours. Oh wait, this isn’t a dick…
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
If you melted away my outsides you’d find two dusty ovaries and a bottle of Heinz vinegar, but if you melt away this cat candle you’ll find a metal skeleton of amazement…and hopefully tetanus.