Of course, we’re incredibly funny and popular. But we’re also an important news outlet… for psychopaths, stalkers and degenerate layabouts. That – and our eye-exploding good looks – is why our friends at ReadyMade gave us advanced access to the latest issue. And, like trench coat-donning perverts, we’re giving you a sneak-peek at the goods.

The issue, which won’t be hitting stands but instead punching them solidly in the groin with the sheer force of its radness, will be available starting January 26th. It features a handy flowchart that will help you decide what sort of pancakes to make, as well as an interview with Jonathan Adler about how awesome it is to be Jonathan Adler (part of their returning feature “How Did You Get That F*$%ing Awesome Job”).

And if you haven’t spiraled into a career-angst-inspired pancake coma at this point, there is also a nifty little article about trailer living in Marfa, Texas and a bunch of other stuff that will just have to be a surprise. We’re teasing the magazine here, not rewriting it.