We live in a terrible world when I can’t tell whether this is a “wacky” Mr. Potato Head or the counter bitch at my local Urban Outfitters. His name is probably Duncan or Asher or Gus, and he’s probably 35, says he’s 28, and is wearing skinny jeans that hug his crotch. Or he would be if he had a crotch.

Ah… that’s the difference. Hipsters have crotches. It’s where they store their chlamydia.