Pubescent teens and steroid users everywhere are suffering from an embarrassing and rarely discussed affliction: Ass Acne. Juicy inch-high pustules crop up on their butt cheeks , making sitting a delicate and uncomfortable proposition. Sadly, that’s not a detergent stain on Tyler’s jorts, nor are sweat marks the only dark spots on Dirk’s bodybuilding unitard. But thanks to the Drum Chair, busted ass pustules no longer need to be feared.

Crafted from old oil drums, the chair has experienced its fair share of unholy grease and oil smears. Ass Acne sufferers can apply their afflicted cheeks to the chair for 20 minutes in the mornings and the day’s supply of oil and puss will be find a new home on oil-drum metal where it belongs. When you leave your sickening slickness on the chair’s seat, not your seat, you’ll feel refreshed, confident, and free to take on the world. So what are you waiting for? Go get ‘em, you greasy sonofabitch!