Oh look, it’s a trick! You think it’s wood planks, but it’s really a rug! Just like you think you’re buying it from Urban Outfitters, but you’re really buying it from a Pretentious Douche Factory! What’s that you say? They’re one in the same? Carry on then, dickbag. Carry on.

P.S. I told my non-lesbian work partner Clint that this was a rug and he said, “As in carpet?” No, Clint, it’s a wood-paneled toupee. Jesus.