I thought the secret to amateur porn stardom was having a rack or dick of freakish proportions, completely lacking any moral hang-ups, and putting aside your repulsion for unsavory, hairy pot-bellied men and/or women with frizzy perms and ingrown shave jobs.

Little did I know the actual secret is a willingness to digitally print your ceramic tiles. Gorgeous, isn’t it? Seriously, for every fifty tiles you order, they should throw in a free latex buttplug.