I hate Mondays. Even when they’re Tuesdays. I walked into the office this morning, and the tap water was literally running red. And since the water was red and I was really thirsty, naturally, I converted to Satanism. Now I have a golden bottle of Ozarka’s finest and Satan has a severed cow head and a shiny new advertising creative soul. So, really, just the cow head.




The water in the kitchen was running green. What the fuck kind of Ancient Indian Burial Ground are we dealing with here?
If the office is a portal into hell, do we get the day off?