I think the guy who invented Garbage Pail Kids, whom I can only assume is named Garbage Pail Jones, went to Hummel and warped the mind of the nun who invented those ushy-gushy Hummel figurines. I heard he did it by replacing her Psalms with Mystikal lyrics and her nun chow with McDonald’s ground “beef.” I also heard he went on to found a little school you and I know as Harvard. Oh, who am I kidding. How could I possibly hear anything? I’m technically asleep right now.