When you’re sliding into home and you feel a little cash, you’ll know you’ve put on the wrong pair of shit-stained underwear. This Brief Safe comes with “special marks” to help keep those nasty criminals from rummaging around in your specially designed penis pouch for your hard-earned valuables. But why give Sears $13 for something you could shit on yourself practically for free? Seriously, why?

Via Rod “the Crack Clencher” Cruz.