Above – Ralph is rising dirty, day 1

You may or may not know that I am really into baking. I may be a neo-feminist ice queen on the outside, but inside I’m all Donna Reed. And a little Dr. Frankenstein. That’s why I’ve decided I want a sourdough starter and I’m going to do it my damn self. Meet Ralph, my newborn bowl of rotting flour goo. Well, technically he’s a yeast colony. For the next fourteen days, I will be tracking his growth here on the blog.

What is a sourdough starter? It’s a replacement for store-bought baker’s yeast / science experiment / every vagina’s worst nightmare. Basically, sourdough starters are supposed to make a more complexly flavorful bread. To make a starter, you combine flour, water and a bag of organic grapes in a bowl, cover it with plastic wrap and let it rot (find more details here).

Above – Ralph is bubblier than Kate Hudson, day 2

I’ve got to say, I’m a little worried this is going to turn into a Little Shop of Horror’s situation. The directions say Ralph is to be fed flour and water three times daily (um, demanding). But what if I’m feeding Ralph and I accidentally pierce my finger on a rose’s thorn and bleed into the colony? Suddenly, there’s a giant yeast infection with an attitude and a taste for human blood roaming the streets of our community.

Above – Ralph is bloated and gassy, day 2

In that case, I want Lizzy Caplan to play me in the TV miniseries. The part of Ralph will be played by Charlie Sheen as himself.