Sharp thorns on roses and huge claws on kittens,
Bright silver shanks; stealing derelicts’ mittens,
Brown paper drug parcels, leather sex swings…
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cream colored quaaludes and dead Standard poodles,
Dumbells with skull contact, brain bits in oodles,
Vases topped with gaudy gigantic rings…
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the I wear one
And I punch you
(‘Cuz I’m raving mad)
Your jaw splits and you bleed to death on my bed…
Destroying my maaaaaattress pad!
Ooooh, I wanna try:
Getting the last beer and half-drunken barflies,
Poo-centric humor and garters upon thighs,
Rubbing one out, the relief that it brings,
These are a few of my favorite things!
Shots and their chasers, brain cells that I’m killin’
Jaded Poledancers, then there’s Penicillin,
Plain wrapper packages hiding my porn,
Benders that last from twilight until morn!
When the crab bites;
When my pee stings;
When I hear “Last Call”,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And that doesn’t hellllp, at AAALLLLL!
WE ARE NOT PUTTING YOU ON THE PAYROLL.
(Seriously, though, I’m flashing my computer in appreciation of this badassery.)
I LOLed ’til peepee came out.
*Bottom pats*