That’s it. I can’t live on this planet anymore. Hipsters are making old, used feather pillows cool. Call me old fashioned – fuck, call me old – but in my day, when we thought things were probably soaked in urine we threw them away. I don’t care if it’s made from gold and stuffed with Alexander Skarsgard’s pubic hair, this decrepit pillow has all the charm of the incontinent grandmother whose prolapsed uterus likely made those stains. And, by the way, no matter how “vintage” bodily fluids get they aren’t giving anything a “tea stained antique look.” Sorry Etsy, I love you, but pick a featured seller who’s products don’t carry Hepatitis A.
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Word. If this sells, I’m going to make a fortune on the crap I’m donating for our move out west. I wonder if anyone would want the pad from under our carpet where the cat peed?
Oh, I do. I hear wearing soiled carpet padding as a poncho is all the rage in Paris this season.
I’m currently making a hat out of my grandfather’s sweaty bowling towels and used tinfoil. I expect to sell it for thousands.