To each shmers own, but the only motorboating the Milk Jug inspires for me is an intense desire to stick the eyeball part of my face into the turning propeller of an actual motor boat. Product note: the jug is refillable with “animal and vegetable milk.” Well, since you put it that way…Thanks for ruining cereal, lattes and, oh yeah, everything ever.

PS – In case you’re wondering, “shmers” is not a typo, but my attempt at creating a multigender pronoun. It’s called mental masturbation innovation.