You know what hippies hate, besides the efficient charms of Capitalism and any rationale supporting the basic tenets of hygiene? The motherfuckin’ three-second rule!

In your face, accepted notions of human decency that suggest it’s unsanitary to eat food off the floor! Suck it, unnerving feeling that every bite entering your mouth is coated in dog hair and skin flakes! Kiss their asses, realization that bulgar wheat and nutritional yeast are rendered even more repulsive at Birkenstock level!

Extremely rough, pus-filled blister, chewed-cuticle high-five, hippies! Way to stick it to the man!