I think I knew these pubes in college. Oh yeah, they were mine. And now that you know that, you should know this: You can do this your damn self. All you need is a ratty old chair, a ratty new merkin and some hot glue. Voila. Instant Hair-Down-There-Chair.

Buy this pillow and add a little more [moby] dick to your bed. Okay, that was just too easy…

Oh my. If I were this shower curtain I’d kill myself. And not just because I said “To Pee or Not To Pee,” but also because I saw you naked and seriously your curtains were more like drapes.

First of all, I still don’t get this. It’s a pillow for pet remains, but I don’t know if you add the ashes or if they do it for you. Second of all, it costs $110 and it’s microfleece. Tell you what, I have a Ziploc bag and a 20% off coupon for Bed, Bath & Beyond. I assure you Munchkin won’t know the difference…

via Altar’d Beast

This is called the Apple a Day Calendar. Um, we’re a little generous with the term “calendar,” aren’t we? That’s like calling Venus and Serena Williams “females.” Aaaaanytuck, you can do this your damn self provided you have a clear plastic tube, 84 pounds of Granny Smiths and no life whatsoever.

via Alan “Bangers & Mash” McCoy

I walk like a duck. I think it’s because my parents spent my leg brace money on Sooners tickets and a mouthful of chaw, but so far I haven’t been able to prove it. Oh well, at least now I can buy this mirror and watch myself waddle up to it…provided I learn to walk on air.

All I can say is it’s about fucking time unicorns got what they deserved. Year after year, they show up in fantasy art looking all mystical and glittery. Granting wishes. Spearing things. Peeing on your grandma’s corpse. Kicking babies. Stealing your underpants… Wait a second, that’s not unicorns. That’s me!!!

via Jame “No Joke” Hoke

I like this quilt because I like horses. Of course, I prefer them in the form of a gluestick, but that’s just because I’m a total bitch.

With the invention of this, there are now officially two ways to give someone a Bob Ross. One that involves happy little trees and one that involves sad little lower backs.

I like guns. I like neon. Put them together and what do you get? A set of wet underpants.