Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Old College Try

Why say with your mouth what you can say with a pennant? Hatefulness is 18% more impactful on a pennant. Everyone knows that.

Monday, July 29, 2013


Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Of course so does the state of the Union and the youth of America. Seriously. Can someone please tell Miley Cyrus to stop dry humping pillows? And stop acting “street,” we all know your heritage, hillbilly.


Friday, July 12, 2013

Lil’ Fuckers: Wipeout

I hope this felt shark likes skidmarked underwear because if he lives at your house, that’s what he’s gettin’.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Sip Up on This, Fart

If you’ve ever suspected that your parents screwed you and your name is longer than five letters, it’s officially official. They did. Krazystraws are personalized straws that can say anything you want under five characters. Silver lining? ALL the four letter words fit.  Even ‘pube.’

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Lil’ Fuckers: Overtime

I love this lamp and it’s available at Land of Nod implying it’s for children which is bollocks if you’re from the UK and bullshit if you’re from the US. This is far too cool for kids. But you know what isn’t? Child labor.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Stuck Up

These Thumb Tacks are more fun than a night at the clubs. And likely filled with less pricks.

via Alan “Thunder Dump” McCoy

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Full Power

My iPhone charger is so boring and dumb. But not for long. Introducing Whooz, one more gimmick-y piece of crap I don’t need, but will probably buy.  At first I was like, “Oh wow, $12.95? That’s cheap.” Then I realized it’s just for a sheet of stickers, but then I thought about it some more and realized these are actually useful. Haven’t you ever been near another iPhone or MacTop and thought, “Well fuck, is this my cord?” And now you’ll know, “No, no, this isn’t mine. Mine’s the one with the cinnamon muff.”

Brain Dead

It’s a good thing this isn’t life size or, you know, you’d need a microscope to see yours. Oh wait, this isn’t a dick…


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Bitter End

If you melted away my outsides you’d find two dusty ovaries and a bottle of Heinz vinegar, but if you melt away this cat candle you’ll find a metal skeleton of amazement…and hopefully tetanus.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Shine On

For $425 you can take a pill that will make your doodoo twinkle so it looks like The Real Housewives will have a new spin-off.

via Incredible Things

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