These are called Lonely Hangers…kind of like your dick. HIOH! Actually, they’re “derived from cup handles that were broken off from their cups.” But seriously $45 for 3 seems a little stiff. And  that is something your dick shall never be…

In India, dentists like to sit on exercise balls with Snickers up their butts. In America, we prefer an Almond Joy*.

*Special thanks to Chad Ballew, who knows quite a bit about candy and butts.

I like anything cheap and plastic (except the Real Housewives of any city), maybe that’s why I love the idea of this $3 Chair Exhibit. Highlights include “White Plastic Chair,” “Plastic Chair in Wood” and “Gold Chair.” Lowlights include “Slider Chair,” “Statement Chair,” and, apparently, the ability to name art.

via mocoloco

Maybe these pillows wouldn’t be on sale if this asshole knew how to embroider a dog. Seriously, did a stroke victim stitch this?

If I ever see a “no camera” sign on your front door, I promise you I’ll hex your vagina. And if that’s not available, I’ll cast a spell on your ass fat and make it multiply every time you mention kegels — anal or otherwise…

There are three bears in this bowl and one cougar at my desk. Seriously, lock up your ‘tweens. This kitty cat is on the prowl…statutory rape style.

Sweet Jesus, the mere production of this thing set back women’s rights like 18,000 years. And it’s only been 24 hours, but I’ve already had my butt patted, my boob grabbed and that’s just when I dropped my dad off at the airport…oh don’t worry, that just made me throw up, too.

Surprisingly, these coasters are one of the least offensive things in the Natural Disaster, God-hates-your-hedonism collection. Waaay tamer than the Exxon Valdez Oil Cruet or the Earthquake of 1908-because-it’s-too-soon-to-talk-Haiti Salt and Pepper Shakers. And that’s a fact, um, Jack.

P.S. Please send all your hate mail to Krista. Okaythanks.

This post is like the Doublemint Twins of BHG. Except you don’t want to tittyfuck it. (Or do you?!?) Up for grabs we have two items illustrated by Oliver Jeffers…

1. A hand-drawn map of the world and some pushpins. (Yay. Holes.)

2. A book called, “The Incredible Book Eating Boy.” (Let’s crap words!!)

via swissmiss

True: Cats love pita pockets.

False: They love you.

Untimely, but true: Rats make poops in your Kix.