If you’ve ever suspected that your parents screwed you and your name is longer than five letters, it’s officially official. They did. Krazystraws are personalized straws that can say anything you want under five characters. Silver lining? ALL the four letter words fit.  Even ‘pube.’

My iPhone charger is so boring and dumb. But not for long. Introducing Whooz, one more gimmick-y piece of crap I don’t need, but will probably buy.  At first I was like, “Oh wow, $12.95? That’s cheap.” Then I realized it’s just for a sheet of stickers, but then I thought about it some more and realized these are actually useful. Haven’t you ever been near another iPhone or MacTop and thought, “Well fuck, is this my cord?” And now you’ll know, “No, no, this isn’t mine. Mine’s the one with the cinnamon muff.”

I finally plucked the last of my Fu Manchu. Movember’s over, but apparently, not forgotten. This holiday season get your very own Bauballs, testicles for the tree. Is it just me or does this look more like a big juicy butt than a set of nuts?

via BuzzFeed

I heard that every time you burn toast a kitten masturbates, but that can’t be true. Can it?

Domo Toaster, $40

via Incredible Things!

Thank goodness this says “bitches” because if it said “male equivalent of bitches” it’d be way too small. I’d need at least three times that much space to list all the people I’m gonna holla at… We are talking about people we’re going to yell at because they suck, right?

Halloween was Wednesday, but minus a prescription for Seasonique, your period haunts you (and all those idiots you know) once a month. So if now is your time — OMG, MINE TOO WE ARE LIKE SO SYNCED UP — make this and celebrate the joys of crying at reruns of Reba.

via Tampon Crafts, an entire blog dedicated to crafting with tampons

This Handmade Baked Potato Bean Bag Chair with Butter Pat Pillow is only $200. I know what you’re thinking, “Money doesn’t grow on trees, wench.” And maybe it doesn’t, but seriously is the name calling necessary?

I’ve seen a ton of porcelain heads in my time, but never one like this. Seriously. No lion*.

*It’s sad how proud I am of that.

If you have a cut, you’re going to need these and if you don’t have a cut, call me. It can be arranged.

Did you know the longest mountain system on Earth is the Mid-Oceanic Ridge? And it’s actually underwater? Did you also know that spouting off facts likes that makes people like you less? It’s true. Try it.

In other news, check out this Snow Mountain Wool Felt Toy Box on etsy.