Thursday, July 5, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
I’ve seen a lot of dog hats in my day (most of them on your girlfriend), but this is by far the cutest. A hand-knit Carmen Miranda hat for your pug…or human baby…or butt. They’re all pretty much the same thing, right?
This Japanese robot pillow pokes snorers in the face to get them to shift to their sides. Three questions. Why is it shaped like a polar bear? Does it come in a version for female snorers where the polar bear wakes you up by poking your face with his boner instead of his hand? Because that’s what we’re used to. And who programmed it to call your mom on speaker phone every time you masturbate? Oh, yeah. That last one was me.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
This Chick-A-Dee Smoke Detector will apparently chirp merrily if there’s a fire present. Which is fantastic because I so don’t want to burn to death to an annoying beep.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Turns out for years we’ve been misspelling Donald Dick.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Napkin Panther isn’t made with bits of real panther, but it does guarantee your dinner party will end in a threeway.*
*All claims in this post are flagrant lies.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
This is called a Memory Bank and it’s made to store things of sentimental value, not monetary value. Like love notes, ticket stubs and all those condom wrappers from your first ever gang bang. All together now, “Awwww…”
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Have we talked about this Golden Rhino before? It’s kind of like the Golden Goose, but those aren’t eggs he lays. They’re dumps. That’s right, for $35 this thing will crap gold all over your Corian. Of course I’m a big fat liar and it totally won’t, but please know that in my mind — he just did.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I’m not gonna lie, folks. I have absolutely zero clue what’s going on with this doormat. I was just innocently shopping for a doormat on Amazon.com at 1 AM while drunk and found this thing. By the way, it somehow sold out between then and now. Go figure. Anyways, what’s the gag? Is this a dick joke? Why is the grass greener under something where it should be getting no sun and therefor dying? Is the dog also a UV lamp? If this is about your penis, is your penis really tiny or see through? Is your misshapen anatomy really something to be shared with the innocent UPS guy who has to deliver your bucket of hemorrhoid salve every month? Hasn’t he suffered enough?