With the invention of this, there are now officially two ways to give someone a Bob Ross. One that involves happy little trees and one that involves sad little lower backs.

Here’s a dish towel that says “Do the Dishes” with the letters made out of dishes. I think this is fantastic and would like to order the following versions:

A whore towel (for wiping off your whores, duh) that says “Big Pimpin” with the letters made out of pimps.

A poo towel that says “Just Poo It” with letters made out of poos.

A lace towel laced with acid.

A face towel that’s made out of real face.

If you ever take three Ambien and start playing a tune on your Pan flute you may find yourself sailing off in a wooden shoe over a beautiful sea of dew. I heard about it once from some drunk guys I caught having a threesome in the bathroom of a Burger King. I think their names were Wynken, Lincoln and Todd? Anyways, they claimed the stars would be herring fish, but when I got there, the stars were just anthropomorphized farts. If you’ve ever wondered to where your fart mysteriously disappears when you blast one on a plane, now you know.

Fantastic art I made a fart joke about by The Black Spot Books.

How many avant-garde idiots does it take to design a candle shaped like a light-bulb? 17.  10 died when someone dared them to eat Mentos and then down a liter of Diet Coke. 3 died while while texting and riding their fixies. 1 was suffocated by his own mustache. And the last 3 took just enough time out of their circle jerk to take the dump in a bucket that inspired this piece of crap. It’s an old design school trick – like reading tea leaves, but with shit.

True: Cats love pita pockets.

False: They love you.

Untimely, but true: Rats make poops in your Kix.

They should move that litterbox to the bottom of the slide. That way when Smoofy Flufferpants needs to take a kitty tinkle downstairs, he can just slide his furry little hiney right into his widdle baffroom. Also, I’m gonna give birth at the top of the slide and let the baby land in the litterbox.

If we were in England I’d tell you to be the belle of the bloody ball. But since we’re not I’ll just point out that this chandelier doesn’t come with any applicators. Which means you can stick your hand way up in it. And sure, it might feel a little funny at first, but remember, it’s your chandelier. Finger it.

via The World’s Best Ever

Guess what I don’t need? Another pink sphincter on my wall. But I could use some body paint remover. Seriously. My taint looks like cotton candy.

I suppose I could have as easily titled this post “Boos and Don’ts,” but that wouldn’t allow me to point out that on the Frenchy-French site where I found these fantômes, they are in a product category labeled “Doudous.” I can only assume that doudous are exotic, sophisticated  albino poos and not something un-bathroom related that I’m too lazy to look up on google.

Can I assume that this Super Mario cookie is made in various shades of brown because dude’s a plumber? Whatever, when you do it your damn self, I recommend using brighter colors so you don’t have to feel like you’re eating shit. Oh, and don’t feed it to the Princess. Nobody wants to save a fat chick.

via Technabob