Friday, July 12, 2013

Lil’ Fuckers: Wipeout

I hope this felt shark likes skidmarked underwear because if he lives at your house, that’s what he’s gettin’.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Shine On

For $425 you can take a pill that will make your doodoo twinkle so it looks like The Real Housewives will have a new spin-off.

via Incredible Things

Friday, November 9, 2012

Urine the Running

I may not be a pee pro, but I’m pretty well-known on the amateur circuit. Which is what I call the toilet in my master bathroom, in case you were wondering.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Funky Town

Disco isn’t dead. It’s just been hiding in the bathroom for the last 40 years after being swatted with a newspaper for doing it’s business on the family room rug. Wait. Did you just hear something? Disco, if you’re in the trash again … so help me God I will turn the vacuum loose on you!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Dental Hijinks

Since when does your mouth need a bidet?

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Number 1 on the Charts

“Create music at the urinal with Guitar Pee.” Pardon me, invention, but I believe men have been doing this for years. They’re called farts.

 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Welcome Back Squatter

The Off-Road Commode isn’t just cleaner than every road stop toilet you’ve ever hovered over, it’s a great way to spice up your Chinese Firedrill. You won’t need toilet paper. Just air dry at 30 mph. And, bonus, the toilet seat is camouflaged so the deer and/or enemy soldiers will think you can float while you poop and they’ll just give up. That shit is terrifying – pun intended.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Bitches and Pussies: We’ll Leave the Light on for You

True fact: dogs really don’t like you watching them make with the bathroom stuff,wrinkling up your nose like you poop cotton candy and pee French 77s. Have you ever tried to maintain unwavering eye contact with a dog while he/she takes a crap? You should try it. I heard they’re making huge advancements in face-transplant technology these days.

 

Via Dan the man who’s always on the phone when I go to Red Mango.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Bidet It Ain’t So

If only there were a way to upcycle this used water bottle into a butt cleaner. And like magic, the Hygienna Solo portable bidet is invented. Word on the street is the patent officer who received the Hygienna Solo patent application was one day away from retirement when he died of laughter. Danny Glover is playing him in the on-screen adaptation.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I Don’t Swim in Your Frat House…

“Summer’s just around the corner. If only there were a way to guarantee that everyone pees in my pool,” I thought in desperation. And just like that my prayers were answered with the Port-O-Pong Beer Pong Raft – for use in pools, lakes, rivers, and whatever other body of water you want to turn into a port-o-potty. There is a God, and His name is Amazon.com.

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