The best thing about writing this blog is the rabbit hole of Googling that you fall into on a daily basis. Finding this print led me to think about watersports. Thinking about watersports led me to Googling fetishes. Googling fetishes led me to the discovery of the word Urolagnia. And Googling Uroglania led me to my new favorite image of all time. And for that, unholy-pairing-of-the-internet-and-a-filthy-trucker-mind, I salute you.

01Mathery is an ambitious blog project from a pair of young designers who’ve vowed to post an idea a day and, I can only assume, live in an endless pile of discarded VHS tapes, toilet paper rolls, used bolts and wine corks somewhere in the idyllic country side. Here are just a few of their inspired creations:

VHS toilet paper dispenser

nut vase

floating drink tray

I find their stuff so inspiring I decided to give this “idea a day” thing a try. So here is my contribution:

Just multiply that by 365 and we’ll call it a day.

Via Swiss Miss.

J.D. Salinger personally pooped in here, officially making this the world’s most overrated toilet. I hope for his sake getting to number two wasn’t as difficult personally as it was professionally. Meanwhile, serial killers everywhere are desperately clenching back doodoo boners as we speak.

I pretty much posted this Fornasetti pillow just so that I could use that post title. I intended to write a whole thing about using a pillow to muffle the notes of your Toot Suite, but when I was googling “fart suppressing pillow” looking for an actual fart suppressing pillow, I found this gem.

Don’t we all, random Yahoo question asker? Don’t we all.

Maybe, maybe, maybe you need to write something down while you’re in the shower. Maybe, maybe, maybe it’s a reminder to stop being the asshole that writes notes in the shower.

Can you play the banjo? More importantly, can you wield one as a deadly weapon if necessary? You’ll need one if you ever out in the backwoods and stumble across an outhouse equipped with one of these. This Redneck or Wetback (seller’s words, not mine) Toilet Paper Holder appears to double as a corncob dildo. I find that scarier than Deliverance times Leatherface to the power of number two, but if you’re an inbred corprophobic with OCD, it’s probably pretty cool.

I thought pissing with the door open was the ultimate in disgusting, pathetic relationship apathy. But, lo, God created the Loveseat Toilet. Well, God or some sick dumbfuck with a community college design degree. Probably the latter because I think God would be more likely to get a Masters in Stem Cell Research. It’s the wave of the future!

Philosophers have speculated the human heart is the seat of the soul. But now that I know it has a fortune inside, I’m going to be twice as murdery. So excuse me, won’t you, while I find out if the human colon is filled with Pu Pu Platter.

Via Slipcast.

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout

would not take the dog hair out.

She’d scour the graveyards for brains for her jams.

And hit the free clinic for more dental dams.

And though her pimp would scream and shout

She simply would not take the dog hair out.

And so the dog hair piled up to the ceilings.

And, as it did, grew consciousness and feelings.

It grew eyeballs and ears and even a heart

and a nose it regretted when the pimp ripped a fart.

Dog hair covered the floors and it covered the walls.

And grew hands to scratch its big hairy balls.

And one day when Sarah came home from the store

It hairy tongue kissed her and she wanted more.

And so they were married in the little town square

And nine months later she gave birth to some hair.

Gross.

So remember the tale of Sarah Stout

And always, always take your dog hair out.

See more of Todd Baxter’s fantastical photos here.

Looks like someone finally cracked the code on making toilets even shittier. And that someone is me. I’m going to buy a baker’s dozen!!

Rudolph Toilet Cover, $11.25