Sunday, January 13, 2013

Shine On

For $425 you can take a pill that will make your doodoo twinkle so it looks like The Real Housewives will have a new spin-off.

via Incredible Things

Saturday, January 5, 2013

A Dirty Trick

Looks like I can finally upgrade my bath style from Whore’s to Cowboy. Cowboy Bath lets you scrub dem dirty parts when you’re on the go, like camping, mountain biking and probably also semi-professional backyard mud-wrasslin’. Plus it’s from fucking TEXAS where all amazing things are created. I’ll just leave exhibits A and B right here.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Dental Hijinks

Since when does your mouth need a bidet?

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Number 1 on the Charts

“Create music at the urinal with Guitar Pee.” Pardon me, invention, but I believe men have been doing this for years. They’re called farts.

 

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Bitches and Pussies: We’ll Leave the Light on for You

True fact: dogs really don’t like you watching them make with the bathroom stuff,wrinkling up your nose like you poop cotton candy and pee French 77s. Have you ever tried to maintain unwavering eye contact with a dog while he/she takes a crap? You should try it. I heard they’re making huge advancements in face-transplant technology these days.

 

Via Dan the man who’s always on the phone when I go to Red Mango.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Cuppa Ew

I don’t know what hippie idiot came up with this, but I promise you I’ve never thought, “I love my period and I love tiny cups. If only there were a way to combine the two…”

Friday, June 1, 2012

Royal Flush

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to take a piss in a terrible pun? Well, stop before you end up making something like this. I hate the guy who created this almost as much as I hate people who say the idea has been flushed out. You flush out partridges for a hunt. You flesh out ideas. It’s fleshed out! Fleshed!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

B with an Itch

This is called the Gentleman’s Ballscratcher and you know what that means — your mom’s going to be out of job real soon.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Bidet It Ain’t So

If only there were a way to upcycle this used water bottle into a butt cleaner. And like magic, the Hygienna Solo portable bidet is invented. Word on the street is the patent officer who received the Hygienna Solo patent application was one day away from retirement when he died of laughter. Danny Glover is playing him in the on-screen adaptation.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I Don’t Swim in Your Frat House…

“Summer’s just around the corner. If only there were a way to guarantee that everyone pees in my pool,” I thought in desperation. And just like that my prayers were answered with the Port-O-Pong Beer Pong Raft – for use in pools, lakes, rivers, and whatever other body of water you want to turn into a port-o-potty. There is a God, and His name is Amazon.com.

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