Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Mix Tape in a Coma, I Know It’s Sirius

This little cassette-to-iphone gadget is guaranteed to top out at number one on the “What To Buy Someone Who Just Woke Up From A Coma They’ve Been In Since 1989″ 2012 Holiday Gift List. Salvaging their Men in Hats tape will really soften the blow when you tell them it’s now super not cool to wear Hammer Pants.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Bible Vs.

It should be pretty obvious: the Virgin Mary is a Blood.

Monday, June 25, 2012

FF>>

If you ever try to break up with this coffee table, it’ll start playing “More Than Words” by Extreme and then good luck leaving after that, asshole.

via Blu Dot Blog

 

Monday, June 18, 2012

Bitches and Pussies: Every Dog has its Do-Rag

If you can in fact catch a sexually transmitted case of retardation it would definitely be from the lovely ladies of “Rock of Love.” The proof is in the new line of Bret Michaels pet gear called Pets Rock. Doggy do-rags? Yes, please. The better to catch the brain bits when this poor German Shepherd takes your shotgun and ends it all.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

On the Level

Oh, huge surprise. According to Solo cups, and every girl you’ve ever laid, you’ve been doing it wrong.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Hands on a Hard Booty

Well, kids, now that Michael Jackson’s dead, you’ll need to buy this sofa if you want velvety soft hands to cup your ass.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Like New, Like Ew

I love the idea of taking something outdated and turning it into something useful. Like this lamp made of old 45s or Lindsey Lohan as America’s catch rag.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Just Hanging Around

I found this chair on ffffound. It was re-blogged from a blog called “this isn’t happiness,” but as the proud owner of a trashcan full of these hangers (except in mauve, it was the 1990s, sue me) I assure you, finding a use for those fuckers is just about as happy as it gets.

Friday, May 18, 2012

What A Doll

If you don’t think you need a spray-painted green Kewpie Doll, then I ask you this — How exactly do you plan on making your boyfriend’s testicles shrivel?

Un-bitchy aside: There’s some pretty cool spray-painted shit in this shop so check it out.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

I’m Declaring a Mustachitorium

Hello, internet, Urban Outfitters customers and world at large, I’m pleased to introduce today’s guest blogger: the reanimated corpse of Joan Crawford. Take it away, Joan!

No… more… mustaches. What are mustaches doing on my internet when I told you: no more mustaches EVER? I blog and blog ’till I’m half-dead, and I hear people saying, “She’s getting bitter.” And what do I get? Our fucking readers… who care as much about the filthy posts we give them as they care about me. ANSWER ME! I give you disturbing drygoods, and you treat them like they’re not worthy of hipsters. Mustaches, why? Why? READERS, GET OFF OF THIS BLOG. You read the most offensive blog in cyberspace and you don’t care if your posts are tainted by more mustaches! And YOUR blog looks like some two-dollar-an-ad templated layout on some two-bit hosting service like GoDaddy.com. NO MORE MUSTACHES EVER!!!

 

Man, what a C U Next Tuesday! Well, let’s all listen to her, shall we? The old broad just might be on to something.

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