Monday, April 30, 2012

The Art of Score

Bradly Brown is many things: Art Star, Superfox and Witness to and/or cause of most of the horrible decisions I made from 1998 to 2003. But above all, he’s a founding member of  HOMECOMING!, an artists’ group that’s hosting your new favorite event…

Hands on an Art Body. Sounds sessy, yessy? Here’s the dill:

Inspired by the film “Hands on a Hard Body,” where twenty-four contestants compete in an endurance/sleep deprivation contest in order to win a brand new Nissan Hardbody truck, attendees are invited to place their hands on any work they desire on display within the gallery and remain with it throughout the evening. The last participant left in contact with the piece at the end of the night acquires the work at the end of the exhibition.

Everyone who’s anyone loves molesting various artstuffs, so get your fancy pants and Purelled paws to the Oliver Francis Gallery in Dallas on May 19th at 6:00.

The exhibition runs from May 12th to the 26th.

To donate your easy-earned dollhairs and cents, go HERE! For more info, go HERE!  For more exclamation points, go HERE!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Birth Affects

Kicking, screaming, covered in blood and in direct relation to a vagina. Which, let’s be honest, hasn’t changed in 31 years.





Friday, April 6, 2012

Social Networks of Art

I took a lot of Art History classes in college because I’m a pretentious bitch. So I know that Girl with a Pearl Earring was noted as an uncoventional – and possibly commissioned – portrait by Johannes Vermeer, and that even while he was still alive, the Dutch master was considered the toast of MySpace.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Too Cold, Too Cold

All right stop
Take this drink and listen
Ice trays are back with a brand new invention
Something to offer your “friends” politely
Even though you actually despise those dicks slightly
Will it keep drinks cold? Yo, I don’t care.
Just know my cocktails have murderous flair.
When it’s deadly, I rock a cube like penguin
Poison your drink and when you die I say, “Amen.”


Friday, February 24, 2012


I come from a long line of domestic goddesses, so I already have my Grandmother’s recipes framed and hanging in my kitchen. And by that I’ve mean I’ve stapled the label from a bottle of Tequila onto the wall above my Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Etsy Find: Wut?

When you’re home sick for three days and you can’t watch one more episode of Gold Rush Alaska and your doctor has suggested that the saying does not in fact go, “Feed a cold, pour booze on a fever,” and your dog is passively-aggressively sleeping in the other room because she’s mad that you didn’t take her on a 2-hour walk, it’s nice to know that Etsy is always there for you with gems like this.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012


Pixel oven mitts. So you can dunk straight-outta-the-oven hot wings in tangy blue cheese dpi.


via He’s not British, he’s just Pablo!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Beast of Burden

No sir! This creepy beast freaked me out as a kid and now it’s back to haunt my fucking days. Oh sorry, your Facebook page was up… What are we talking about? This adorable felted Falkor? Aww, he’s sooooo cute.

Friday, January 20, 2012

This is Going to be Cool

One night in the summer of 2006, I spent many hours drinking on a beach in Cannes, France with the guy who did the laughs for both Beavis and Butthead. The experience was incredibly odd, as he was totally normal in every way, but then I’d say something unbelievably witty – naturally – and a hybrid Beavis/Butthead laugh would come out. Also that night, I was asked on a date by a very sweaty dancing man with Alopecia, shortly before making out with a German guy with blonde dreadlocks.

And these, my friends, are some of the many reasons you should get into advertising: free 10-day trips to French Riviera, the meeting of D-minus-list celebrities, dance parties that resemble an episode of True Life, horrible champagne-goggle decision making of the Aryan-nation-cum-Reggaeton variety, and the audacity to start a blog solely for the sake of talking about these things. Also, these dudes are terrifying, no?


via that Bunghole, Alan McCoy

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Lady Godino

Ok, so Dinoprints says their custom-made, personalized, realistic photo-illustrations of people riding dinosaur are for kids. But that doesn’t justify the restraining order. I mean, I get it. My ass is so fly it’s criminal, but a simple rejection note would have sufficed. You’d think no one ever ordered a poster of themselves naked, nursing an armadillo while riding a dinosaur before.

On sale now at

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