Step 1: Meet Jerry Sandusky.

Step 2: Drop the soap.

here buy this book

These hand-stitched book cover diaries are so amazing, I literally cannot imagine the time it takes to create something so detailed. I can, however, imagine what it’s like to watch a co-worker fart into a bag, tie it closed and leave it on another co-worker’s desk. Well, not so much “imagine” as “live it.” God bless advertising.

via Kelly “Handstand A Day” Mills

It’s hard to accurately journal your thoughts when you have to end every sentence with a period.

Least Wanted is a book of mugshots, but it’s easy to make a book your damn self. Just grab some paper, a glue stick and start racking up the felonies.

Felony tip #1: Pay for the paper and glue stick with black market human organs.

When I first saw this I was so confused. I was like, “Who stores their butcher knives next to their Agatha Christies?” Then I actually read the description (or more accurately scrolled through the pictures) and figured out it’s a cookbook shelf/knife holder/cutting board multi-tool and that’s when I realized it’s more useful than me. It does three things. I merely do two — write and toot. Wait a second, I eat and sleep, too. Four things!! I do four things!! Eat my ass, Kitchen Bull.

via CMYBacon

In the spirit of this book, I’m going to recycle an old post and just paste in the new name. Isn’t that fun and not at all lazy???

Until I teach my cat to write build things (and I will, we’ve already conquered Backgammon), I’ll have to settle for Other People’s Love Letters 1,000 Ideas for Creative Reuse: Remake, Restyle, Recycle. I hate to be so kind in a blog post, but this is a perfectly charming practical book and if it’s not really your thing, read it anyway and puke on upcycle your keyboard. Then take a picture and send it to me and I’ll puke upcycle my keyboard, too, and we’ll be, like, total VFF UFF (vomit friends forever) (upcycle friends forever).

This is called Bookseat. I have one in my house except it’s called the toilet. Now who’s up for a little urine-soaked Sudoku?

It took the creator of this book ten long, presumably sexless years to collect enough rocks for a full alphabet plus rock illustrations of what each letter represents. Meaning, clearly, that if rocks could sing, they’d be belting out, “Get a fucking liiiiiiiiiiife!”

via Coochicoos

disclaimer: I actually think this book is radical, but I’m a jerkface down to muh rock-shaped bones

While I’m inclined to pick on this hat/lamp/yellow dump, the seller also has a mint condition set of Ms. magazines including one with the “9 to 5″ gals on the cover so move along, bitchy words, move along…

If you write in this notebook, some douche is immediately gonna make a joke about “fightin’ words.” And that’s when you decide to title your novella, “Papercuts on His Scrotum: A Tale of Spiral-Bound Revenge.”