Ms. Pac-Man was the greatest game ever. Aside from Tiddle Winks and flicking your bean. But you can’t stitch that on a screen door, now can you?

Update: I Googled Ms. Pac-Man to double check my spelling and found this. Leave it to some gamer chode-ette to take it too far.

I discovered this book after I overheard a lady say, “I mean, why the fuck did she say that?” I then told her that made me giggle and she told me about this book. I’m not even making that up. Apparently, my friend criteria is 1.) Do you have a foul mouth? 2.) Are we in an elevator together?

Book Excerpt So You Understand How Amazing It Truly Is:

“The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep.”

This book was created by 100 artists. Each artist had to add to the previous drawing, but could never see the big picture. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Where are all the penises?!? Nothing ties a picture together quite like a hastily sketched wiener.

via smaller

Kid book streak!!! Here’s another one. It’s called The King’s 6th Finger…and the Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky Queen.

Yes, I just made a fingering joke about a children’s book. Sunglasses fall down*. Deal with it.

*Joke assist by Alan “Predator” McCoy.

I thought of a word tonight — oligarchy. And according to blog bylaws if you think of it, you have to use it in a post. So here we go — If you had multiple penises you’d be ruled by oligarchy, but since you just have that one little beanie weenie, you’re ruled by inadequacy.

What does that have to do with this children’s book? Not much. But it’s a word. That book has words. Close enough, bitches.

I heard the beginning of Alanis Morisette’s “Isn’t it Ironic” on the radio yesterday. So today I’m going to install an overheating megawatt bulb in this book lamp, then hang up a copy of Farenheit 451, which will surely burst into flames and engulf my house, taking me with it. Not to celebrate irony or anything. That song just makes me want to kill myself.

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via John “Tuff Stuff” Duff

Buy this bookshelf wallpaper and you can bullshit your way to a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. Hey everybody, let’s BOOK IT!

P.S. I never learned to read. My cat writes these.

This beautiful wooden hammock is very Kafkaesque, wouldn’t you say? Très Gregor Samsa post-arthropodal transformation.

That’s right, dear readers, I totally took 9th grade English. Three times!

This book is a collection of celebrity shopping lists the author most likely fabricated. If not, it’s sure to be a fun read. I bet if Oprah’s list is in there it includes human babies, a box of Kashi and Capri Sun. Let’s face it, that bitch is crazy.

Until I teach my cat to write (and I will, we’ve already conquered Backgammon), I’ll have to settle for Other People’s Love Letters. I hate to be so kind in a blog post, but this is a perfectly charming book and if it’s not really your thing, read it anyway and puke on your keyboard. Then take a picture and send it to me and I’ll puke, too, and we’ll be, like, total VFF (vomit friends forever).