Friday, August 19, 2011

Buddy Dumps

This is called Bookseat. I have one in my house except it’s called the toilet. Now who’s up for a little urine-soaked Sudoku?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Lil’ Fuckers: Rock Me, Gets-No-Play-Us

It took the creator of this book ten long, presumably sexless years to collect enough rocks for a full alphabet plus rock illustrations of what each letter represents. Meaning, clearly, that if rocks could sing, they’d be belting out, “Get a fucking liiiiiiiiiiife!”

 

via Coochicoos

 

disclaimer: I actually think this book is radical, but I’m a jerkface down to muh rock-shaped bones

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Flippin’ Lids

While I’m inclined to pick on this hat/lamp/yellow dump, the seller also has a mint condition set of Ms. magazines including one with the “9 to 5″ gals on the cover so move along, bitchy words, move along…

Cuts Like a Knife

If you write in this notebook, some douche is immediately gonna make a joke about “fightin’ words.” And that’s when you decide to title your novella, “Papercuts on His Scrotum: A Tale of Spiral-Bound Revenge.”

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Great Ghosts!

Ms. Pac-Man was the greatest game ever. Aside from Tiddle Winks and flicking your bean. But you can’t stitch that on a screen door, now can you?

Update: I Googled Ms. Pac-Man to double check my spelling and found this. Leave it to some gamer chode-ette to take it too far.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Lil’ Fuckers: True Story

I discovered this book after I overheard a lady say, “I mean, why the fuck did she say that?” I then told her that made me giggle and she told me about this book. I’m not even making that up. Apparently, my friend criteria is 1.) Do you have a foul mouth? 2.) Are we in an elevator together?

Book Excerpt So You Understand How Amazing It Truly Is:

“The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the fuck to sleep.”

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Im-pecker-ble

This book was created by 100 artists. Each artist had to add to the previous drawing, but could never see the big picture. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Where are all the penises?!? Nothing ties a picture together quite like a hastily sketched wiener.

via smaller

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Lil’ Fuckers: Royal Embarrassment

Kid book streak!!! Here’s another one. It’s called The King’s 6th Finger…and the Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky, Lucky Queen.

Yes, I just made a fingering joke about a children’s book. Sunglasses fall down*. Deal with it.

*Joke assist by Alan “Predator” McCoy.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Lil’ Fuckers: Cold Feet/Little Meat

I thought of a word tonight — oligarchy. And according to blog bylaws if you think of it, you have to use it in a post. So here we go — If you had multiple penises you’d be ruled by oligarchy, but since you just have that one little beanie weenie, you’re ruled by inadequacy.

What does that have to do with this children’s book? Not much. But it’s a word. That book has words. Close enough, bitches.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

You Oughta Know

I heard the beginning of Alanis Morisette’s “Isn’t it Ironic” on the radio yesterday. So today I’m going to install an overheating megawatt bulb in this book lamp, then hang up a copy of Farenheit 451, which will surely burst into flames and engulf my house, taking me with it. Not to celebrate irony or anything. That song just makes me want to kill myself.

.

via John “Tuff Stuff” Duff

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