Sunday, February 17, 2013

Full Power

My iPhone charger is so boring and dumb. But not for long. Introducing Whooz, one more gimmick-y piece of crap I don’t need, but will probably buy.  At first I was like, “Oh wow, $12.95? That’s cheap.” Then I realized it’s just for a sheet of stickers, but then I thought about it some more and realized these are actually useful. Haven’t you ever been near another iPhone or MacTop and thought, “Well fuck, is this my cord?” And now you’ll know, “No, no, this isn’t mine. Mine’s the one with the cinnamon muff.”

Thursday, November 1, 2012

DIYDS: The Ghost with The Most…Rage

Halloween was Wednesday, but minus a prescription for Seasonique, your period haunts you (and all those idiots you know) once a month. So if now is your time — OMG, MINE TOO WE ARE LIKE SO SYNCED UP — make this and celebrate the joys of crying at reruns of Reba.

via Tampon Crafts, an entire blog dedicated to crafting with tampons

Monday, October 29, 2012

Lil’ Fuckers: I Tie With My Little Ire

The Pinterest/DIY/Mommy Blogger bullshit is killing me. You know what you can do instead of making – or, excuse me, crafting – a shoe tie practice board? You can let your stupid kid practice on SHOES. Where’s my fucking feature in ReadyMade?

Monday, June 11, 2012

Sugar and Spice and All That Shit

If this poster were a little more accurate it would say, “What’s in it for you?” Because let’s face it, no one is ever nice to be nice. Except me. You’re pretty. Can I have a million dollars please? No? Bitch.


Wednesday, May 30, 2012

DIYDS: This Time It’s Real

Do It Your Damn Self is usually just an outlet for telling you you’re lazy and dumb and no actual making takes place. But today is different. I actually made something. No, not a number two in the potty (just anticipating the question that will pop into my mom’s head when she reads this), a coffee table.

I bought a 6′ piece of walnut from Wood World in Dallas. We had to sand it quite a bit. It was hard, so I feigned t-rex arms and let my dad do most of that part. JK, I helped.

Then we stained it. Krista’s amazing boyfriend/furniture-making-expert (of Field Day) recommended I use this Danish oil. He was not wrong. It was simple and quick and I only ruined one piece of clothing in the process. The final product ends up looking rich and hand-rubbed (like my boyfriend *rim shot*).

I bought four 18″ hairpin legs from That’s right, I only shop at places with names that say exactly what they sell. We added some braces to prevent those natural splits in the wood from expanding over time. All the screw holes were predrilled to prevent splitting. “That’s what he said,” to that last sentence.

And voila! The best table you’ve ever seen. Don’t be jealous, it causes acne and makes kittens die.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

You Must Be Tribbon

While this Scrappy Ribbon Garland is perfectly lovely, I’d make just a few minor tweaks… Instead of ribbon I’d use tampons and instead of white lights, I’d use red. Then I’d hang it and shout, “It’s about to get menstrual up in this bitch.”

Monday, May 14, 2012

DIYDS: When I Dip, You Dip, We Dip

I’ve been searching for a desk chair and instead of finding one, I’ve just figured out I don’t like most chairs. Then that crazy ol’ cooter Pinterest showed me this. Now I can’t wait to rush out, buy all the supplies and then let them just sit there. Because let’s face it, I never finish anythi…

Friday, May 11, 2012

DIYDS: Right on the Bows

Awwww, this paper bow is going to look so cute on the box of cat turds I got you…

via Poppytalk Handmade

DIYDS: Vitamin Queas-E

Some of you dummies will wanna make this DIY lunchbox for poor people, but I’m not crafty, so I’m going to start small and DIY my own lunch. It’s the same basic setup: Get a milk jug, put it on the counter, leave it there for a couple weeks and voila! Cottage cheese. Nutritious, delicious and also tuberculosis.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Gettin’ Stooled

These tables and stools are eco-friendly. They take scrap bits they find at lumber yards, put them in a bucket of hold-together stuff (my guess is Fix-O-Dent…and forget it!) and create table legs and stool tops. Which is weird because I like to pick up stuff I find lying around lumberyards, too. Namely, lumberjacks.

via Clint “SoCal” Martin

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