Thursday, November 29, 2012

Delivering a Tongue Bashing

Much like a purple nurple, this is a shocking twist: these aren’t actually obscene! Apparently the goal of this crap is to “sublimate the fonction of the object.” Yes, fonction. That’s what is says. I don’t know what the fonction it’s supposed to mean but I think we can all agree that it’s time to change our underpants.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

A Real Bra Burner

Hey party people! Just putting the finishing touches up for the mega-rager I’m going to be throwing tonight. I’ve got my Feminist Kill Joy banner up, the bras are crackling merrily in the fireplace, and the menstrual relief tea is brewing on the stove. Yep, it’s beginning to feel a lot like  Post-Sexism Neo-Socialist Utopia! And don’t you worry about getting bored. I’ve got activities a plenty. First, we’ll be pinning the pubic hair on the vagina(I would have gotten witty with the game name, but using euphemisms for vagina steals our power), then we’ll be pushing real hard until our leg hair grows, and then we’ll be taking back the word “cunt.” Be there or be square whatever shape you want because no one tells you what to do!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

A Blighter Shade of Pale

I can’t decide if these make me want to decorate for Halloween (time-consuming!) or just go the easy route and get pregnant with “accident-prone” Albino quadruplets.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Baby Baddy

These unborn fetus models are the only things that have ever made me regret my abortion. Just kidding! My body is a hostile environment that can’t support human life. Just kidding again! I was born without reproductive organs. Okay, I actually had them removed so I’d look skinnier. My goal is to weigh slightly less than a fetus.

 

 

Monday, August 6, 2012

Doenicula

Etsy: Purveyors of all things “awwwwwwwwwww.” And also this. I think this thing may start a new decorating trend. I’m calling it Log Cabin-Goth.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Hey, you got nerd on my beach! Hey, you got beach on my nerd! Two great tastes that go great together until the shirts come off and the reflected light burns right through your retinas.

Via BuzzFeed’s List of 27 beach towels you’ll want to show off.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Knick Knack, Terrorist Whacked

I just discovered this amazing new way to prank your mom (from etsy seller Pineconeman). Simply hide this in your mom’s tchotchke cabinet and wait for it. Depending on the number of Hummels and unicorn figurines involved and the dusting frequency, the wait might be awhile. But it will be so worth it.

Via Buzzfeed.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Nailed It!

According to the internet, polydactylism is very rare in celebrities, which I find quite disappointing…

*BEGIN INNER MONOLOGUE*

Fuck, do I go with a disapPOINTing pun or soldier on with my intended, half-baked post idea? On the one hand -

Goddamn it, I did it again! What magical pillow powers does this thing have? Okay, focus and write your first idea, which is decidedly terrible.

*END INNER MONOLOGUE*

According to the internet, polydactylism is very rare in celebrities, which I find quite disappointing. So I vote we cut off Justin Bieber’s weiner and give Regis Philbin a new pinkie.

 

Friday, July 6, 2012

$5 Make You Wall-a

Hold on to your black ties, folks, because shit just got CLASSY in here. Wouldn’t this be the perfect way to disguise the Porky’s hole you drilled into the wall of your neighbor’s shower?

Thursday, July 5, 2012

I Scream

Ben and Jerry’s newest flavor: Chocolate Nip Cookie Ho.

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