To most thoroughly enjoy the dumpster swimming pool, one needn’t be waste, but should surely be wasted.

The Edible Cookbook comes with the recipe printed on noodle pages. You then use the noodle pages to make lasagna. It’s pretty cool, but not at all necessary. Currently, like my vagina.

If these Magnetic Flower Pots do indeed connect through a wall like they claim to, then I’ll eat my shoe. It’s made of gumdrops and licorice whips, but still, I’ll eat it.

Turns out Pharrell Williams is inexplicably in the candle business, and he has a serious message: FUCK YOU, ELECTRICITY! Not that it comes as any surprise: Pharrell is a traditional Amish name meaning, “He who forcefully plows the backyard.” Though some prefer the modern meaning: “That art what she said.”

OAT biodegradable shoes grow seeds when buried underground. Great idea, geniuses. Everybody knows the proper way to dispose of your sneaks is over a telephone wire. Plus, I’m going to go out on a limb (See what I did there?) and say most people already have stuff growing in their shoes. Double burn. In your face revolutionary, earth-friendly technology. In your face.

Just what sort of dickbaggery is this? Bike plants? Nuh uh. My bike don’t need no pubes.

I hate to break it to you, kiddo, but if your parents make you this dollhouse, they don’t really love you. Or you’re just totally poor and this is all the scrap cardboard they could scrounge up that hadn’t been soaked in garbage water in the alley behind the 7-11. In which case they TOTALLY love you… but I think all of your are super gross.

They need to make a version of this plate with one big circle that says “feelings.” Ladies, it’s okay to admit that you eat your feelings when you’re sad or lonely or quarantined by the city. Even I do it. But just like the rest of me, my feelings are of above-average radness, so my circle would be filled with Foie Gras, cheescake and quaaludes soaked in virgin blood.

The Branch Holder makes any stick into a sword. Hey, kids, you know what else makes any stick into a sword? Imagination! Also, a shank attached to the end with a combination of industrial grade rubber bands and all-purpose indoor/outdoor use Gorilla Glue. Playtime is fun!

Why would I buy a rad-ass chicken fort for my chickens? Somebody should enjoy the magical childhood of which I’m planning to deprive my kids.

Via Pinterest