This is the Magic Hole Chair. I have exactly zero seconds to write this post, so I’m pretty much just going to yell “MAGIC HOLE!” and then dry-hump the Aeron chair at my desk.

I think I knew these pubes in college. Oh yeah, they were mine. And now that you know that, you should know this: You can do this your damn self. All you need is a ratty old chair, a ratty new merkin and some hot glue. Voila. Instant Hair-Down-There-Chair.

I like anything cheap and plastic (except the Real Housewives of any city), maybe that’s why I love the idea of this $3 Chair Exhibit. Highlights include “White Plastic Chair,” “Plastic Chair in Wood” and “Gold Chair.” Lowlights include “Slider Chair,” “Statement Chair,” and, apparently, the ability to name art.

via mocoloco

If the bed is a rockin’, don’t wear your socks in. Because if you do the bed will only be rocking to the rhythm of your clammy-handed self-love and silent sobbing. Weirdly enough, I’ve heard that is exactly how every Blink 182 song was composed. That’s right Travis Barker, I dissed you instead of Nickleback. Eat your crispy little heart out.

This simple chair is called the Twig Stool. Raise your hand if you picture that thing going right up someone’s butt! Twig stool indeed!

secret text

hidden, secret text!

…I’m the only one raising my hand, aren’t I?

Men have always outperformed women in the workplace, due in part to their ability to compartmentalize and in a part to the fact it’s really hard to work when people are constantly trying to snap your bra strap. For now, this is just a Little Black Dress cabinet, not a fembot thirsting for world domination and some deep dicking. But it’s already conquered the two keys to success: looking a little slutty and compartmentalizing. It’s got a place for your socks and a place for your clocks and even a little room left for your Glocks. Oh, and you can hide your Rabbit in there too.

Found Via Dude Craft.

Remember all those sexist tables that looked like women bending over?

Well someone’s finally turned the tables (ha) and created a man table. Of course, it depicts men just standing around doing nothing, which is pretty accurate. Now all we have to do is take the two tables above and rub them together with the table below and we can have an entire army of crying, crapping side tables to take care of. Where’s a lubricated, ribbed tablecloth when you really need one?

Someone’s taken Paraphilic Infantilism a step too far. It’s one thing for adults to desire being diapered, bathed and spoon fed, but I’m requesting that people stop at “baby” and never venture into vaginal expulsion mode. I mean, it’s really distressing to see some grown-ass lady tucked all up under a clitoral hood.

There are a few basic things I want in a chair. A comfortable seat. A back with adequate lumbar support. And the ability to transform my purse into what looks like elephantiasis of my non-existent balls.

Madonna keeps six of these in her house, but they’re made with real headless men. She genetically engineered them around the time her face started looking like a calico’s. And if you’re keeping track that was hour two of her pretend Michael Jackson tribute at the MTV VMAs. Why was I watching? It’s part of my experiment to see if I can reverse age. It worked, too. All my pubes fell off.

via David Morley, who wants you to know his wiener is huge