The guy who made these radically nerdy Mario and Luigi birdhouses was an actor in a commercial I shot for my real job. A NAKED actor. Yes, that’s right. I’ve seen the dude’s Bowsers and Donkey Kong. And the best part? Advertising is nothing like college, so I got to see it all without showing him Princess Peach.

Here’s a simple way to kill two birds with one do-it-your-damn-self stone. While you’re at The Home Depot picking up a shovel to dig out the yard for this project, go ahead and snag some cement mix. Then while your husband works on this for the kiddoes, you can kill the bitch he’s cheating on you with, pour a pair of cement shoes and toss that whore in the river. A couple hours of labor and you have a sunken trampoline and a sunken tramp. Easy-sleazy!

via the Pinteresting fingers of Sherry from Young House Love

Hey, why don’t you throw on a skirt and show a shrub your bush?

Move over, undercover Vampire who gets you pregnant during a Frat House date rape. Step aside, skeleton named Butterfingers hiding in your closet while wearing a fedora. Nothin’ to see here, High School shop teacher with a hook for a hand who you’d always catch licking his lips while looking down your shirt… something new is populating your nightmares tonight. And from the looks of this probably-murderous rock’s pervy grin, he’s really looking forward to the part where you find yourself locked out of your house without any pants.

via Alan “and then I woke up” McCoy

Hey, who do you think designed these modern birdhouses? Maybe… PEEP Mondrian? PEEP! Like a bird would say! Instead of Piet! I changed Piet Mondrian to Peep Mondrian! HA! Just a little ornithological modern art humor, guys! There’s a reason we can’t get anyone to advertise on this blog!

via the Burlington Clint Factory

The Porch Potty may be for dogs, but I’m guessing at least one fraternity has this on their porch for drunken party pissers. The premium model only costs $279, which is the cost of, what, three pre-date rape dinners, some cab fare and a morning after pill? Worth it!

Use this piece of plastic to turn your shitty bottle into a shitty vase. I’m kidding. This is the coolest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Well, at least since the last time I looked at a Playgirl. You guys, they shave their pubes!

via CMYBacon

You have to appreciate the genius of absolutely disgusting garbage wrapped in a pretty package.

But enough about me. Have you guys seen these trash bags?

via LOL Awesome!

I love canning jars and I double love this trend of taking common disposable objects and turning them into something permanent. Kind of like we did with Walt Disney…

It’s under 100 degrees in Dallas today, which means I’m thinking fall. And it’s a day that ends in “y,” which menas I’m thinking about beating things with mallets. Throw in a few cookie cutters and you have a seriously easy way to decorate pumpkins, gourds or hobo skulls.

Um, I meant fake hobo skulls. Just in case my parole officer is asking.