First, they fill the cupcake with frosting! And then they fill you with self-loathing! Fun-da-middles! Fuck you, clothes that fit!

P.S. I do hope you all realize that these will be (literally) stuffing the (gut) stockings of every single loved one in my life because they sound ridiculously delicious.

Pillowmob let’s you upload a photo and turn it into a pillow which is an awesome gift idea. Especially if you’re into burning life-sized face effigys.

Shopping for an egomaniac just got a lot easier. Ether Press turns an arrogant friend’s Tweets into a book or, in our case, a porn magazine.

It appears our ritual sacrifice worked — Wantist.com featured us on their blog today. If you’re interested in gift tips from us, go here. But if you’re interested in just the tip, hit up the Sigma Chi House.

If you don’t know what Wantist (the website, not blog) is, it’s online gift finder and it’s awesome.

“This dynamically designed ball is used in the mysterious art of contact juggling. By exploiting the sphere’s reflective properties you can create the illusion that its defying gravity or even moving on its own…” Or you can just sell your soul to the devil for actual mystical powers. Sheesh. Everyone’s looking for a shortcut these days…

“Give ‘Em Hell.” And when Hell fails, just give ‘em herpes. I always do.

via You’re Welcome

These are called Stamps of Disapproval, but they should be called Stamps of Maternal Guilt. They say things like “Missed Opportunity” and “Are you happy with this?” And the truth is no, it’s not my best work, but I’ve had a lot to do today and my face is really dry and peeling and it’s freezing in here and yet I’m still sweaty and why are you so mean to me?!? You never let me do anything I want to do ever!! I’m going to runaway and never come back and then you’ll see!! *Slams door, Packs “Goin’ to Grandma’s” suitcase, Blasts 311.*

First off, we’ve posted this bubble wrap calendar before. But it was like two years ago and we’ve probably long ago alienated our original readers. Second off, this calendar is now on sale at Urban Outfitters. And if having a store stocked exclusively with poop brown, shapeless, backless minidresses won’t bankrupt you I don’t know what will. But don’t let it get you down because:

I love this balloon invitation, but I like the variation that they used at the end of that one movie (I can’t remember the name) for that charming, intimate little gathering out in the country. You know, where they had, like, a scavenger hunt and there was a guessing game?

Oh, that’s right… it was Se7en. That party looked so fun!

via Stephanie Fisher, who didn’t even know it

Chances are, if I’m behind you, it’s a swift roundhouse kick to the Mom jeans.