LukeLampCo swears this is DIY Clay Skeet Mason Jar Candleholder is “The Most Manly Gift on etsy.” Well, Luke, clearly you haven’t seen this Scorpius Codpiece and Belt. Exactly.

Who exactly needs coffee soap to wake up their hands while washing them? I’ll tell you who: the friend I had in High School who would sit on his hand before masturbating so that it would fall asleep and feel like a stranger was touching his wiener. Otherwise known as The Smartest and Eighth Most Perverted Friend I’ve Ever Had.

Where the hell is the bandage for Pimp Stab? Uh… I’m asking for a friend. And yes, the friend and I do doubles. Just negotiate a price with my pimp.

I’m not a huge Gaga fan. I mean, did I once walk to Movie Trading Company to buy a Gaga CD because I couldn’t remember my iTunes password and I needed the CD, like, NOW? Yeah, of course. So does that make me a fan? Whatever. I don’t really like labels. But I do kind of like this Unicorn Stocking that crazy bitch designed for Barneys. In fact, I kind of like the entire Gaga Workshop…but yeah, still not a fan.

First, they fill the cupcake with frosting! And then they fill you with self-loathing! Fun-da-middles! Fuck you, clothes that fit!

P.S. I do hope you all realize that these will be (literally) stuffing the (gut) stockings of every single loved one in my life because they sound ridiculously delicious.

Pillowmob let’s you upload a photo and turn it into a pillow which is an awesome gift idea. Especially if you’re into burning life-sized face effigys.

Shopping for an egomaniac just got a lot easier. Ether Press turns an arrogant friend’s Tweets into a book or, in our case, a porn magazine.

It appears our ritual sacrifice worked — Wantist.com featured us on their blog today. If you’re interested in gift tips from us, go here. But if you’re interested in just the tip, hit up the Sigma Chi House.

If you don’t know what Wantist (the website, not blog) is, it’s online gift finder and it’s awesome.

“This dynamically designed ball is used in the mysterious art of contact juggling. By exploiting the sphere’s reflective properties you can create the illusion that its defying gravity or even moving on its own…” Or you can just sell your soul to the devil for actual mystical powers. Sheesh. Everyone’s looking for a shortcut these days…

“Give ‘Em Hell.” And when Hell fails, just give ‘em herpes. I always do.

via You’re Welcome