Hold on. Recovering from vomiting after writing that terrible post title. “All your post titles are terrible.” Well, you can go to hell. Be sure to say “hi” to my mom when you get there. Back to this post. It’s about this Jon Hamm coloring book I found via the Etsy Pinterest boards. Love it. Because nothing says “holidays” like a coloring book about a handsome, lushy anti-hero with a burger problem. Except waking up dazed in a strange bed next to a department store Santa. Or a handwritten card that reads, “One free pass for anal.”

Hey party people! Just putting the finishing touches up for the mega-rager I’m going to be throwing tonight. I’ve got my Feminist Kill Joy banner up, the bras are crackling merrily in the fireplace, and the menstrual relief tea is brewing on the stove. Yep, it’s beginning to feel a lot like  Post-Sexism Neo-Socialist Utopia! And don’t you worry about getting bored. I’ve got activities a plenty. First, we’ll be pinning the pubic hair on the vagina(I would have gotten witty with the game name, but using euphemisms for vagina steals our power), then we’ll be pushing real hard until our leg hair grows, and then we’ll be taking back the word “cunt.” Be there or be square whatever shape you want because no one tells you what to do!

The Pinterest/DIY/Mommy Blogger bullshit is killing me. You know what you can do instead of making – or, excuse me, crafting – a shoe tie practice board? You can let your stupid kid practice on SHOES. Where’s my fucking feature in ReadyMade?

This Handmade Baked Potato Bean Bag Chair with Butter Pat Pillow is only $200. I know what you’re thinking, “Money doesn’t grow on trees, wench.” And maybe it doesn’t, but seriously is the name calling necessary?

So today a friend sent me this print. I needed the name of a famous camel to complete this post so I Googled “famous camels” like any normal human. Well, Google only sort of knew what I meant and sent me “The 40 Most Famous Camel Toes” instead. Go ahead, take a peek. It’s not terrible* at all.

*Exact opposite of not terrible.

Hey, y’all. I just found the creepiest painting on Etsy. You’re welcome.

I just discovered this amazing new way to prank your mom (from etsy seller Pineconeman). Simply hide this in your mom’s tchotchke cabinet and wait for it. Depending on the number of Hummels and unicorn figurines involved and the dusting frequency, the wait might be awhile. But it will be so worth it.

Via Buzzfeed.

Hold on to your black ties, folks, because shit just got CLASSY in here. Wouldn’t this be the perfect way to disguise the Porky’s hole you drilled into the wall of your neighbor’s shower?

I’ve seen a lot of dog hats in my day (most of them on your girlfriend), but this is by far the cutest. A hand-knit Carmen Miranda hat for your pug…or human baby…or butt. They’re all pretty much the same thing, right?

Speaking of Beard Koozies… Look for my new line of Bike Merkins coming to a cycle shop near you!