Monday, July 29, 2013

HeeHawNah

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Of course so does the state of the Union and the youth of America. Seriously. Can someone please tell Miley Cyrus to stop dry humping pillows? And stop acting “street,” we all know your heritage, hillbilly.

 

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I Suc at Nurturing

Not at my house, you won’t. For heavens’ sakes, I kill succulents! (That’s a synonym for fetuses.)

 

Here, buy this pot of false hopes.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Baller

I finally plucked the last of my Fu Manchu. Movember’s over, but apparently, not forgotten. This holiday season get your very own Bauballs, testicles for the tree. Is it just me or does this look more like a big juicy butt than a set of nuts?

via BuzzFeed

Thursday, November 1, 2012

DIYDS: The Ghost with The Most…Rage

Halloween was Wednesday, but minus a prescription for Seasonique, your period haunts you (and all those idiots you know) once a month. So if now is your time — OMG, MINE TOO WE ARE LIKE SO SYNCED UP — make this and celebrate the joys of crying at reruns of Reba.

via Tampon Crafts, an entire blog dedicated to crafting with tampons

A Real Bra Burner

Hey party people! Just putting the finishing touches up for the mega-rager I’m going to be throwing tonight. I’ve got my Feminist Kill Joy banner up, the bras are crackling merrily in the fireplace, and the menstrual relief tea is brewing on the stove. Yep, it’s beginning to feel a lot like  Post-Sexism Neo-Socialist Utopia! And don’t you worry about getting bored. I’ve got activities a plenty. First, we’ll be pinning the pubic hair on the vagina(I would have gotten witty with the game name, but using euphemisms for vagina steals our power), then we’ll be pushing real hard until our leg hair grows, and then we’ll be taking back the word “cunt.” Be there or be square whatever shape you want because no one tells you what to do!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Lil’ Fuckers: I Tie With My Little Ire

The Pinterest/DIY/Mommy Blogger bullshit is killing me. You know what you can do instead of making – or, excuse me, crafting – a shoe tie practice board? You can let your stupid kid practice on SHOES. Where’s my fucking feature in ReadyMade?

Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Side of Comfy

This Handmade Baked Potato Bean Bag Chair with Butter Pat Pillow is only $200. I know what you’re thinking, “Money doesn’t grow on trees, wench.” And maybe it doesn’t, but seriously is the name calling necessary?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Swept Away

Something tells me these feet belong to a very lonely woman that probably eats a lot of Dinty Moore Stew.

 

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Party Time?

Ewww. Sick. Regular heads are so stupid, but Hip Hop Heads are HOT. Buy these tiny trucker party hats/teenage pregnancy makers and make your head suck less. You can write on them, too. Just be sure to make the “p” in dope backwards. Why? Because it’s not just tits. It’s grandma tits. (They’re so gross they’re cool!)

I mock what I love. I want these so bad it hurtz.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Tickled Pink

Okay, I just realized that Pink Flokati Rugs exist and I’m not going to lie, there are tingles in my underpants.

via Poppytalk

 

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