Friday, September 7, 2012

Crafter’s Paradise

My lifestyle is artsy, my craft friends would agree
So much tape that wrapping paper don’t faze me
Hot glue gun, DIY? Done.
Groupies on my Pinterest for some homemade fun
Craft blog is booming, internet zooming
Known around the web for my sick yarn looming
Martha Stewart’s teacher, DIY feature
Got some raw wool in my pantry waiting for me to bleach her,
Too many thrifts, turned into gifts
Give any crap from Goodwill a supercute facelift
Crease and tape it like a champ, never have to glue it
Cuz wrapping  ain’t easy; but somebody gotta do it

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Breakfast at Louis’

The convenient thing about this Louis Vuitton waffle maker is that it doubles as a tiny tanning bed for your almost non-existent sense of humility.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Bible Vs.

It should be pretty obvious: the Virgin Mary is a Blood.

Thursday, May 31, 2012


Cigarette smoke contains over 200 known deadly poisons, including Formaldehyde, Benzene and Nickleback.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

I’ll Meat You For Dinner

Well hellooo, brass kunckle meat pounder. Just to clarify: people count as meat, right? Even before they’re dead?





Via Pablo “Pow, Right in the Kisser!” Ampuero

Friday, May 4, 2012

Bitches and Pussies: Animal Crackups

I’d totally get this if I had dogs. I don’t because my cats would seriously fuck some dogs up. It’s a natural rivalry, and also they saw some craaazy shit in ‘Nam.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Okay, and Skrillex

When I play Draw Something, I only draw one thing: blood.






brass knuckles iPhone case via Cowcat Daily News

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Too Cold, Too Cold

All right stop
Take this drink and listen
Ice trays are back with a brand new invention
Something to offer your “friends” politely
Even though you actually despise those dicks slightly
Will it keep drinks cold? Yo, I don’t care.
Just know my cocktails have murderous flair.
When it’s deadly, I rock a cube like penguin
Poison your drink and when you die I say, “Amen.”


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Art Hairstory

Frido Kahlo demonstrates the next big trend in ironic mustaches: growing them four inches north.

Monday, March 12, 2012


Invest in a diamond toilet to turn your tinkles into twinkles.

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