In the style of “My Favorite Things.”
Rain on my glasses, smalltalk, and proposals;
Fast cars and loud bars and stinky disposals;
Your face, DVD players, and tangled up strings;
These are a few of my most hated things!
Rouched sleeves on t-shirts and dogs without leashes;
slow walkers, loud neighbors, and warm, sunny beaches;
overwrought novels and actors who sing;
these are a few of my most hated things!
Yes, your poem bites!
No, you can’t sing!
People are “whos,” not “thats!”
These are a few of my most hated things;
And it’s not the pants, you’re fat!
Happy New Year, assholes!