Monday, August 26, 2013

I’m the Bossiest of Them All

It’s been far too long since I’ve demanded things of you, but I’m back!

The Boyfriend’s company, Field Day, is a nominee in the Martha Stewart American Made competition and we can’t think of any good reason for you not to vote for him. Lose your arms to a rabid bear? Make like Stephen Hawking and vote with your face. Don’t own a computer? YOU FUCKING LIAR YOU ARE READING THIS ON A COMPUTER.

The benefit to you is that by clicking this link you can ogle his stupid-hot self and also cast a kindly vote in his direction. As a thank you, I’m putting the tit in gratitude and flashing my laptop in your honor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Spot the Problem

This incredibly realistic leopard stair runner is a great way to teach your kids fun leopard facts. For example, leopards are the best climbers of all the big cats, they begin learning to climb trees at 3 to 4 months old and they can easily drape around the branches because they’re flimsy goo-filled skin sacks born completely devoid of organs or bones.

 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Don’t Forget the Shipping Labias

Ladies, you can either spend $280 on one of these leather boxes, or become a Florida beach nudist and create your own.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Bright Lights, Big Disappointment

Turns out the light’s not at the end of the tunnel… it’s in the corner of your bedroom, right in front of the camera your landlord installed to watch you have sex. Needless to say, he shut off the camera feed long ago and now files your rent checks under “Penis Repeller.”

Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Side of Comfy

This Handmade Baked Potato Bean Bag Chair with Butter Pat Pillow is only $200. I know what you’re thinking, “Money doesn’t grow on trees, wench.” And maybe it doesn’t, but seriously is the name calling necessary?

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Lil’ Fuckers: Avoid the Factoid

Did you know the longest mountain system on Earth is the Mid-Oceanic Ridge? And it’s actually underwater? Did you also know that spouting off facts likes that makes people like you less? It’s true. Try it.

In other news, check out this Snow Mountain Wool Felt Toy Box on etsy.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Melo-die

This Chick-A-Dee Smoke Detector will apparently chirp merrily if there’s a fire present. Which is fantastic because I so don’t want to burn to death to an annoying beep.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I.D. Dallas Summer Showcase: Be There or Be Murdered

It’s time to replace your denim-covered Rooms To Go couch from the Cindy Crawford collection. So scoot your denim-covered ass to I.D. Dallas’ Summer Furniture Showcase this weekend to ogle and buy amazing handcrafted furniture (and furnishings) with some amazing handcrafted dudes thrown in to sweeten the deal.

Duh, guys who build furniture are hot.

HOSTED BY: I.D. Dallas

WHERE: Stage 404Address and Map

WHEN: Saturday the 16th, 8pm – 10pm & Sunday the 17th, 11am – 4pm

WHO: Kipp Lott, Field Day, Springer Design Studio, Council & Craft, Richard Wincorn, Stash Design, Dan H. Phillips, KC Caekaert, Tony Barsotti and Satelluxe

ALSO: Free parking, complimentary wine

 

I’ll be there every minute of both days, so come say hello and compliment my rack. It’s the polite thing to do.

 

Friday, June 8, 2012

Dinner Party Animals

Napkin Panther isn’t made with bits of real panther, but it does guarantee your dinner party will end in a threeway.*

*All claims in this post are flagrant lies.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Wishful Thinking

Have we talked about this Golden Rhino before? It’s kind of like the Golden Goose, but those aren’t eggs he lays. They’re dumps. That’s right, for $35 this thing will crap gold all over your Corian. Of course I’m a big fat liar and it totally won’t, but please know that in my mind — he just did.

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