Thursday, May 17, 2012

In The Bag

I don’t know why, but I want a bean bag chair. I can only imagine it’s because the backs of my thighs simply aren’t sweating nearly enough. Also, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BRUSH YOUR BANGS OUT OF YOUR EYES!!! Or, you know, maybe I could just stop staring at them…

Friday, April 27, 2012

Smokers Scoff

Cigarette smoke contains over 4,000 chemicals, which is precisely how many times this fugly-ass candle ashtray will be repinned on Pinterest (follow me!) by black-lunged, porch-lounging vegans who work as part-time baristas until their spoken-word poetry careers take off.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Flower Power-less

This doormat is like a statement t-shirt for your house. It’s says, “Hey, isn’t this funny? I didn’t think of it at all. But I think it’s funny therefore I must be funny. Pull my finger.”

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Lights Out

I once had a roommate who was trying to clean paint out of an outlet and I said, “Why don’t you try a butter knife?” She said, “Oh, that’s a good idea.” Then she died to death of dumbness.

Ouchlet Outlet Covers, $4.99

via Incredible Things

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

True Story

You know what I love the most about these candlesticks? The fact that I can finally say, “Oh my gosh, I love your camel toe.”

P.S. These are on sale on right now. Sign up, you schmucks.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

We Rollin’, They Hatin’

Oh, I see how it is, Internet. The paper towel cubby is sooooo genius, but my corpse cubby just gets me put on another government watch list.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

DIYDS: Bubble Trouble

If you don’t actually have shit for brains, you’ll save yourself $598 and make this Bubble Wrap Vase your damn self. Just use real bubble wrap, you dummy, or if you want to take up glass blowing, go right ahead. I hear you’re pretty good at blowing stuff…

Monday, March 12, 2012

Sheeted On ‘Em

If you’re a loremaster, mathlete or this guy, you should totally buy these sheets. It’ll be the first time in history that you share a bed with boobs.

via James “Ain’t No Joke” Hoke

Friday, February 10, 2012

Won’t You Take Me to Funke Town

Let the world’s most renowned analrapist carry your prayers directly to Jesus’ ears. Do I really need to say anything more about this Tobias Funke prayer candle? Oh, yes. You’re welcome.

Via fuckyeahdementia

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Chug a Lug Lug, Drunk Man In the Tub

Sloppy drunk has never been so clean. Until now, the shower was the one place American companies had neglected to shoe-horn a cup holder. Of course, Tub Mug likely means the death of my cup-holder shaped breast implant concept. But there are plenty more ideas where that came from. Quick, someone pass me that box of fortune cookies.

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