My iPhone charger is so boring and dumb. But not for long. Introducing Whooz, one more gimmick-y piece of crap I don’t need, but will probably buy.  At first I was like, “Oh wow, $12.95? That’s cheap.” Then I realized it’s just for a sheet of stickers, but then I thought about it some more and realized these are actually useful. Haven’t you ever been near another iPhone or MacTop and thought, “Well fuck, is this my cord?” And now you’ll know, “No, no, this isn’t mine. Mine’s the one with the cinnamon muff.”

This little cassette-to-iphone gadget is guaranteed to top out at number one on the “What To Buy Someone Who Just Woke Up From A Coma They’ve Been In Since 1989″ 2012 Holiday Gift List. Salvaging their Men in Hats tape will really soften the blow when you tell them it’s now super not cool to wear Hammer Pants.

Beer opener iPhone case? Absolutely. We really don’t drunk dial enough.

I just got back from a vacation where I had to wear flip-flops (barf party) every day for a week. Flip-flops aren’t shoes. I felt homeless, just like this stupid flip-flop phone looks homeless. Phone homeless. ET Phone Homeless. The ET stands for Embarrassing Travesty. Also, I left my brain on vacation, did you notice?

Can you ear me now? Oh, you can? Well good day, kind sir. I daresay you’re a bag of weiners.

Hey, I sure hate you,

Cuz you’re so lazy,

I’ve got your number:

You’re no Scorsese

I know for sure that

Your future’s hazy,

“Deep” thoughts and slumber,

You fucking baby

And all the other guys

Have advanced degrees

But you’re encumbered

By Art Star Crazies.

Cigarette smoke contains over 200 known deadly poisons, including Formaldehyde, Benzene and Nickleback.

I broke my real phone on my birthday. In a bathroom. Wearing a tiara. Which is why I’m currently the proud owner of a 2008 Blackberry that I bought from these yayhoos. Two things: 1. Don’t ever break your phone. Ever. 2. When I’m finally up for a new phone, I will cave and get an iPhone solely based on my love of this Cobra Case.

via Gizmodo

When I play Draw Something, I only draw one thing: blood.

brass knuckles iPhone case via Cowcat Daily News

Well, I’ll be damned. Look how happy we are to be on the League of Funny Bitches Podcast with the lovely and fabulous Noa (that’s her pokin’ her cutie mug in) and Alicia (who’s face, fist and foot will make appearances) of your new favorite blog, Oh Noa. Watch us squirm! Hear us swear! Remember that horizontal stripes and the camera each add ten pounds!

Here’s that link again in case you’re as stupid as you look: League of Funny Bitches Podcast

And here’s the Field Day link, since I said the wrong effing url like a tool. FIELD DAY!!!

And here’s the Fart Party link, because hello, it’s a Fart Party.