These lights remind me of you. They’re not that bright and they’re totally screwed…to the wall.

LukeLampCo swears this is DIY Clay Skeet Mason Jar Candleholder is “The Most Manly Gift on etsy.” Well, Luke, clearly you haven’t seen this Scorpius Codpiece and Belt. Exactly.

I can’t wait to make these Vintage Camera Nightlights and give them to you. Except mine will be real cameras specially made for the bathroom. I’ve been looking to throw up more and something tells me your nakedness just might do the trick.

via CMYBacon

I really want to like those holiday Target Lady commercials, but I just can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried. Instead, I kinda wish this plaster hand would drop the lightbulb, come to life and strangle her overacting little throat. P.S. I’m a little stressed out these days. Is it that obvious?

I loved these when I first laid eyes on them and then I saw the price tag. $34 for something this awesome?!? It’s like someone started a Make-A-Wish foundation just for me.

If you actually need me to explain what this is and how to make it, simply head to your nearest hospital. Tell the nice people in the white coats you want a “vaa-sec-toe-mee” (ladies, tell them you want your “toobs tie-da”). Once the procedure is over, someone will hand you a printout with complete instructions. Happy crafting, y’all!

Nice lamps. I have two questions. 1) What are you reading? 2) Where are your pants? With lights like these, who needs girlfriends blow-up dolls. Let’s just hope that your bookworm’s comp covers motor-boating related eye-patches.

I love canning jars and I double love this trend of taking common disposable objects and turning them into something permanent. Kind of like we did with Walt Disney…

My high school guidance counselor said that I was the only student who’s career aptitude test ever came back “finger-bang joke writer.” No one explicitly said “don’t use the Scantron bubbles to draw pussy-poking.” So, really, this one’s on our public school system.

Lewd yarn lamp via Knithacker

This folding chair has a lamp attached. Which is coo…eird? Like I think I like it? But I’m not sure? It’s kind of like when your friend shows up in a new pair of glasses, a denim jumper or with a dick sewn to their head.

via CMYBacon