I love this lamp and it’s available at Land of Nod implying it’s for children which is bollocks if you’re from the UK and bullshit if you’re from the US. This is far too cool for kids. But you know what isn’t? Child labor.

This lamp puts the “um” in umbilical cord and the FBI wire tap on your landline, and then it puts the “um” on your landline, because who’s still tethered to the wall with a cord? This guy is, my friends. And that’s why it’s called the Circle of Life. (jazz hands.)

There’s a fine line between creative genius and homicidal psychosis, and that line is BFA diploma viewed from the side while it’s laying on a table. There’s also a fine line between blogging and being investigated by the FBI, and that line is a Google search bar that’s constantly populated by the words “Ed Gein human skin lamp.”

Turns out the light’s not at the end of the tunnel… it’s in the corner of your bedroom, right in front of the camera your landlord installed to watch you have sex. Needless to say, he shut off the camera feed long ago and now files your rent checks under “Penis Repeller.”

I was reading Apartment Therapy (don’t get any ideas, you keep reading BHG until you finish the whole site, young lady / man) when I ran across this photo of a candle app. I was like, “This can’t be an actual thing. Someone is making mischief in the Photoshop.” Wrong. I couldn’t be bothered to click through to read the whole article, so I googled it. It’s real. Owning this app should make you a leper. Like saying “OMG” out loud. You should be declared legally dead and escorted by a mourning procession of your friends and family to an isolated colony where you can live out the rest of your days in a cave reading The Bible by your precious candle app. Unclean!

To turn this lamp on, you just shake it’s hand. So, basically, it’s you in lamp form.

I love the idea of taking something outdated and turning it into something useful. Like this lamp made of old 45s or Lindsey Lohan as America’s catch rag.

True fact: dogs really don’t like you watching them make with the bathroom stuff,wrinkling up your nose like you poop cotton candy and pee French 77s. Have you ever tried to maintain unwavering eye contact with a dog while he/she takes a crap? You should try it. I heard they’re making huge advancements in face-transplant technology these days.

Via Dan the man who’s always on the phone when I go to Red Mango.

Counting sheep: you’re doing it wrong.

Look at this fun use of ping pong balls. And to think, all these years I’ve just used them for DIY ball gags. Huh.