If you’ve ever suspected that your parents screwed you and your name is longer than five letters, it’s officially official. They did. Krazystraws are personalized straws that can say anything you want under five characters. Silver lining? ALL the four letter words fit.  Even ‘pube.’

I love this lamp and it’s available at Land of Nod implying it’s for children which is bollocks if you’re from the UK and bullshit if you’re from the US. This is far too cool for kids. But you know what isn’t? Child labor.

The Pinterest/DIY/Mommy Blogger bullshit is killing me. You know what you can do instead of making – or, excuse me, crafting – a shoe tie practice board? You can let your stupid kid practice on SHOES. Where’s my fucking feature in ReadyMade?

This portable play mat is for the fancy-pants baby who’s too good for the floor. Well, baby, let’s hope you’re not too good for boarding school. Or the black market.

If you have a cut, you’re going to need these and if you don’t have a cut, call me. It can be arranged.

Did you know the longest mountain system on Earth is the Mid-Oceanic Ridge? And it’s actually underwater? Did you also know that spouting off facts likes that makes people like you less? It’s true. Try it.

In other news, check out this Snow Mountain Wool Felt Toy Box on etsy.

I never learned how to play dominoes. Honestly, who had the time? Even as a child I had a lot of revenges to plot. I’m just saying, walk off with my red felt tip pen once and it’s a mistake you won’t make again.

I was looking for a rug on Etsy when I heard the terrible news. RIP, Cookie Monster. It turns out the real monster was *dramatic pause* us. In other news, Soylent Green is made from people.

While this Scrappy Ribbon Garland is perfectly lovely, I’d make just a few minor tweaks… Instead of ribbon I’d use tampons and instead of white lights, I’d use red. Then I’d hang it and shout, “It’s about to get menstrual up in this bitch.”

Lol; adorbs. Wonder what the girl version says? A little ”research” turned up the following: “Girl, n. 1. Vagina with bitch on it.” Ooooo. Party foul. Looks like someone needs to brush up on their feminism.

Via Tastefully Offensive