The only problem with this Brush Buddies Justin Bieber Singing Toothbrush is the fact that it will make your teeth look like a total lesbian.

Step 1: Meet Jerry Sandusky.

Step 2: Drop the soap.

here buy this book

There’s a place that turns children’s drawings into toys and I can’t wait for my little squiggle-drawing turd of a nephew to start stepping it up. Seriously, I’m tired of “admiring” your pictures of tangled string. Get it together, toddler.

via BuzzFeed

If Pride and Prejudice can “and” Zombies, what’s to stop Dick and Jane from getting some sweet, sweet vampire action? Common decency and Midwest values: that’s what. And since I have neither, I strongly encourage you to buy a copy for your little tikes. I think the moral of the story is actually a teachable moment. “Eat a snack now and then. Hell, jump out from behind a hill and scare it first if you’d like. But be sure to get a few lunges in while you do.” Shit, that’s wise.

I’ll build the toy if you build the baby. Make him a cross-eyed, breakdancing Canadian with an overbite. And make sure he’s cool with reenacting scenes from Gypsy for his dinner. And budget in a strictly-coveralls-and-Heelys wardrobe. And for the love of God, don’t ask me any questions.

This time-out chair is absolutely genius. I mean, just look at that huffy, miserable little jerk. The tinge of fear in his eyes comes from his correct assumption that I’m gonna kick that stool out from under him right when the sand runs out. That’s what you get for interrupting Mommy’s drinking games!

Okay, I know Pinterest doesn’t count as a source, but I don’t know where this came from, so deal with it.

What a super cute idea for sleepovers! But where am I going to find a spoon large enough to fit, “I don’t remember your name, but here have a parting gift?”

After reading the front of this card, I’m really, really, really glad it’s a boy.

This play on words is tacky – even by my standards. But if you think that’s going to stop me from sharing it with you lot, you’ve got another thing coming*.

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*Spoiler Alert: I Fed-Exed you a bag of dog poo.

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Found via Pinterest.

One day at the office I was walking around with recycle bins on my feet. A co-worker sent me this link and said, “I’m making a pair for my 2 year-old, would you like some, too?” Um. YES. Now all I have to do is parade around in diamond-shaped aluminum foil jewelry and hope she gets the hint. (I need diamonds, y’all.) While I’m at it, I might as well Crayola-up some hundred dollar bills and a winning lottery ticket or two.

via Liz “‘Have you seen Chad?” R.