Thursday, December 13, 2012

Just Plugging Along

This lamp puts the “um” in umbilical cord and the FBI wire tap on your landline, and then it puts the “um” on your landline, because who’s still tethered to the wall with a cord? This guy is, my friends. And that’s why it’s called the Circle of Life. (jazz hands.)

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Batty

Scare the shit out of your potato chips with these Spooky Bat Pegs*. Or do it the old fashioned way — show them your bare thighs.

*It’s a British thang. Here in Texas we call them chip clips. Over in San Fran, they call them nip clips.

Friday, October 26, 2012

I Seat London, I Seat France

This is what it would be like if you could do your furniture shopping on a subreddit. That’s right perverts, I’m gunning for you with joke bullets. That should put an end to your shenanigans.

Friday, October 19, 2012

The U. of Eye

There’s a fine line between creative genius and homicidal psychosis, and that line is BFA diploma viewed from the side while it’s laying on a table. There’s also a fine line between blogging and being investigated by the FBI, and that line is a Google search bar that’s constantly populated by the words “Ed Gein human skin lamp.”

Thursday, September 20, 2012

A Blighter Shade of Pale

I can’t decide if these make me want to decorate for Halloween (time-consuming!) or just go the easy route and get pregnant with “accident-prone” Albino quadruplets.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Baby Baddy

These unborn fetus models are the only things that have ever made me regret my abortion. Just kidding! My body is a hostile environment that can’t support human life. Just kidding again! I was born without reproductive organs. Okay, I actually had them removed so I’d look skinnier. My goal is to weigh slightly less than a fetus.

 

 

Monday, August 6, 2012

Doenicula

Etsy: Purveyors of all things “awwwwwwwwwww.” And also¬†this. I think this thing may start a new decorating trend. I’m calling it Log Cabin-Goth.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Also, Tastier Nuts

Looks like somebody finally dethroned John Madden for Biggest Head in the Goddamned World.

Monday, July 23, 2012

In a Barbie World

Hey, y’all. I just found the creepiest painting on Etsy. You’re welcome.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Nailed It!

According to the internet, polydactylism is very rare in celebrities, which I find quite disappointing…

*BEGIN INNER MONOLOGUE*

Fuck, do I go with a disapPOINTing pun or soldier on with my intended, half-baked post idea? On the one hand -

Goddamn it, I did it again! What magical pillow powers does this thing have? Okay, focus and write your first idea, which is decidedly terrible.

*END INNER MONOLOGUE*

According to the internet, polydactylism is very rare in celebrities, which I find quite disappointing. So I vote we cut off Justin Bieber’s weiner and give Regis Philbin a new pinkie.

 

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