To turn this lamp on, you just shake it’s hand. So, basically, it’s you in lamp form.

When you become a DIY master, you can actually craft your own Anorexia.

Turns out for years we’ve been misspelling Donald Dick.

Well, kids, now that Michael Jackson’s dead, you’ll need to buy this sofa if you want velvety soft hands to cup your ass.

I was looking for a rug on Etsy when I heard the terrible news. RIP, Cookie Monster. It turns out the real monster was *dramatic pause* us. In other news, Soylent Green is made from people.

Slicey the Pig is an abomination to animalkind. Has the designer no decency? No respect for Mother Nature and her infinite miracles? Slicey is little more than a flagrant slap in the snout to swine across the globe. I’ll say it one time and one time only: it’s completely irrational – nay, unnatural – for a pig to have moose knuckle.

In the all-gum version of Star Wars, Chewbacca was played by a very small man named… Peter Maychew.

Worse joke than my last post? Hard to say, dickbags. Hard to say.

My inner child says I definitely need a T-Rex Radiator. My inner asteroid says I should probably stop eating things that fall out of space. I mean, who knows if they are gluten-free?

The only thing cooler than this Bite Me Bottle Opener is this guy’s gratuitous moose knuckle.

Moose Knuckle via Connor “Drunk Uncle” Hill

Pre-live your zombie apocalypse fantasies with this insanely life-like zombie head trophy. The only thing grosser is the fact that somewhere some guy is shooting this thing in the head…with his masturbation juice. Men. They just can’t help themselves.