I love this pillow beast so much I wanna marry it. How does that work, again? First ladies can marry ladies, then ladies can marry toddlers, then ladies can marry dogs, and THEN ladies can marry pillow beasts? Correct me if I’m wrong, Republicans…
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Oh look, your mom’s a doorstop.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Okay, loyal readers, do I need to set you up with the “Can you hear me meow” jokes, or can you handle them all by yourself? (rimshot!)
Also, if you’re the kind of person who buys a cat case, I have a feeling you spend a lot of time at iHome. (buh duh bum ting!)
Please take these terrible jokes as proof that this has been the week from hell.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Spine candles? Yes. The fact that the seller says they “repel darkness?” Double yes. In fact, the only way to plus this shit up is if it was made from a real spine. Like yours.
The only downside of this Bigfoot Garden Yeti is the fact that there totally isn’t one. Come on you asswipes, this thing rules.
Having commitment issues? Get this little peeper instead. You cannot go wrong with Yeti Yard Art.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
What do you get for the person who everything? Everything except emotionally-scarring night terrors, that is. Duh, a handmade, three-faced flying purple people eater conjoined fetal skeleton. Love it, cuddle it, shower with it… he’s your newest forever pal. Frankly and thematically…
Jessie Wallin is slingin’ the giggles with skeleton babies and sidesplitting cross stichery .
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Roses are red. Violence is, too. I got you these zombie chocolates because I love…zombie chocolates. I mean, I assume that since you’re vomiting that means you’re not going to be eating these, right?
Friday, February 3, 2012
It’s Friday, grab your dragon mug and let’s toast your virginity. Oh, shit. I spilled my mead on your Magic the Gathering Cards. Just kidding. Made you cry!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I hope they make a matching rubber mattress liner. The only way this bed set gets more disturbing is if the fitted sheet has an easy-access hole for your mattress’ built in flesh-light.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I’m a little teapot,
Short and stout.
Here is my handle,
Here is my spout.
When I get all steamed up
I will shout
That you’ll probably get gastroenteritis from non-pathogenic microbial bone-decay residue contaminating your tea, or possibly even contract cadaverine or putrescine from ingesting toxic doses of the substances.