Better to fog your spectacles than flog your testicles, amiright?

Eh, fuck you. It’s Friday and I have a brand new house to decorate. Catch you drips on the flip!

No sir! This creepy beast freaked me out as a kid and now it’s back to haunt my fucking days. Oh sorry, your Facebook page was up… What are we talking about? This adorable felted Falkor? Aww, he’s sooooo cute.

One night in the summer of 2006, I spent many hours drinking on a beach in Cannes, France with the guy who did the laughs for both Beavis and Butthead. The experience was incredibly odd, as he was totally normal in every way, but then I’d say something unbelievably witty – naturally – and a hybrid Beavis/Butthead laugh would come out. Also that night, I was asked on a date by a very sweaty dancing man with Alopecia, shortly before making out with a German guy with blonde dreadlocks.

And these, my friends, are some of the many reasons you should get into advertising: free 10-day trips to French Riviera, the meeting of D-minus-list celebrities, dance parties that resemble an episode of True Life, horrible champagne-goggle decision making of the Aryan-nation-cum-Reggaeton variety, and the audacity to start a blog solely for the sake of talking about these things. Also, these dudes are terrifying, no?

via that Bunghole, Alan McCoy

Ok, so Dinoprints says their custom-made, personalized, realistic photo-illustrations of people riding dinosaur are for kids. But that doesn’t justify the restraining order. I mean, I get it. My ass is so fly it’s criminal, but a simple rejection note would have sufficed. You’d think no one ever ordered a poster of themselves naked, nursing an armadillo while riding a dinosaur before.

On sale now at Fab.com.

I hate the Rubix cube. That is all. No wait…I hate it when people say “that is all.” So that is all.

via Liz “No Preservatives” R.

If you’re enough of a lonely loser to sit at your computer with a “pet rock” in your right hand, I have a feeling your left hand is doing some petting of its own, nawmean?

I just realized this is a USB rock, not a mouse. So let’s all ignore what I wrote and reflect on the fact that a chihuahua peed on my boob today.

I can’t wait to make these Vintage Camera Nightlights and give them to you. Except mine will be real cameras specially made for the bathroom. I’ve been looking to throw up more and something tells me your nakedness just might do the trick.

via CMYBacon

Use these suction cup spectacles to prop up your iPad and iPhone. Which is ironic since you use those devices to prop up your self-esteem. “No, wait, guys, guys, guys. I’m cool, I swear.”

via swissmiss

10 new Star Wars Snowflakes? I didn’t know there were old Star Wars Snowflakes. Because I’m not a sad shut in with a cat named Chewie. So do this your damn self. You can add it to your holiday to-do list. Right after Homemade Fleshlight and Rube Goldberg Suicide Machine.

The guy who made these radically nerdy Mario and Luigi birdhouses was an actor in a commercial I shot for my real job. A NAKED actor. Yes, that’s right. I’ve seen the dude’s Bowsers and Donkey Kong. And the best part? Advertising is nothing like college, so I got to see it all without showing him Princess Peach.