Look, someone upcycled an AT-AT into a deepfryer / grill / griddle combo with a cutting board sidecar (as if anyone fucking eats vegetables anymore). It doesn’t come with a replacement colon. But it does come with free apathy. Fat pants and Segway sold separately.
Shopping for an egomaniac just got a lot easier. Ether Press turns an arrogant friend’s Tweets into a book or, in our case, a porn magazine.
To my mind, chess isn’t game. It’s a viable alternative to suicide. But for you dorks who can’t get enough of the only pass time that can out-boring golf, here’s a vertical version of the game designed to help you show off the pleated khakis, crack sweat, cellphone holster, and ball cleave. For the love of Jesus, will someone please write a book for nerds explaining how to wear pants.
“This dynamically designed ball is used in the mysterious art of contact juggling. By exploiting the sphere’s reflective properties you can create the illusion that its defying gravity or even moving on its own…” Or you can just sell your soul to the devil for actual mystical powers. Sheesh. Everyone’s looking for a shortcut these days…
I don’t know which one of you numbnuts can’t light a match without burning your fingers, but if it’s you, here’s another product you might want to put on every day. You know, just in case.
Well, you used the wrong form of “everyday.” Who’s the asshole NOW?
This a choose your own adventure post. If you are a total nerd, proceed to post A. If you are no longer a virgin, proceed to post B.
Post A: I always wondered what kind of mugs they had in the break room at House Harkonnen. I take my face pustule ooze gooey with two sugars, please.
Post B: Finally, a mug that helps you out with those post-coffee urges. You know what I’m talking about. Diarrhea. It’s got a butt plug for your diarrhea. Man, that nerd post is way better. Too bad you’re so dumb.
Bonus Post: * makes fart noises with hands*
Our friend Cassidy posted The Presidential Ham on our friend Alan’s wall and said, “You need these.”And while it’s true he may need them, I think it’s safe to say we kinda all do.
You’re so silly, Ecological Business Cards. Hippies don’t have jobs!
This is called DrawTop for your laptop and it’s “great for jotting down notes on the go.” Thank goodness, too, because where else would you jot stuff down? In a Word doc? Preposterous. Apple Stickies? Try again, dummy. In an email? It’s like you’re not even listening!!! Who types when you can write with really chunky markers that make your handwriting look like shit? I hate white boards, they’re too smooth. Bring on the DrawTop Chalkboard and we’ll DrawTalk.
via Incredible Things
