These Thumb Tacks are more fun than a night at the clubs. And likely filled with less pricks.

via Alan “Thunder Dump” McCoy

Thank goodness this says “bitches” because if it said “male equivalent of bitches” it’d be way too small. I’d need at least three times that much space to list all the people I’m gonna holla at… We are talking about people we’re going to yell at because they suck, right?

Note to self: need larger computer screen, waste basket and refrigerator. *Bleeds out from giant paper cut*

I’m a sucker for mailing things. Letters, gifts, dead rats. You name it, I’ll mail it. And now thanks to oh joy!, your blood-soaked envelope will have a pretty design on it, too.

The only problem with this Paper VooDoo notepad is it only comes with 60 sheets…and there are currently 7 billion people on Earth. To which a 90s Female Comic would say, “7 billion people on Earth?!? And I can’t find a date?!? *Taps boobs.* Hello, are these things on?”

Boys, if you keep porn on a USB, you can use this poodle to doodle your noodle.

The Doodle on the Walls notebook is the definitive answer to the question, “Is there anything more pointless I could be doing?” Other acceptable answers include “internet” and “folding underwear.”

If you don’t like a song that’s playing in your office, all you have to do is throw something at this poster and it’ll skip the track. Oddly, I’ve been employing this technique at concerts for years and the only thing that’s it’s gotten me is a handful of assault charges.

I like to pretend I’m Melanie Griffith from Working Girl even though I’ve never seen that movie. That said, I really do still write everything in a DayPlanner. I have a lot of really smart suits, too, and tons of shoulder pads and L.A. Looks. Let’s go do coke of Don Johnson’s nutsack. Who’s with me?

When I see fill-in-the-blank business cards, I immediately think, “New way to tell people to eat dicks.” Now seriously, go eat a dick.