This is what it would be like if you could do your furniture shopping on a subreddit. That’s right perverts, I’m gunning for you with joke bullets. That should put an end to your shenanigans.

There’s a fine line between creative genius and homicidal psychosis, and that line is BFA diploma viewed from the side while it’s laying on a table. There’s also a fine line between blogging and being investigated by the FBI, and that line is a Google search bar that’s constantly populated by the words “Ed Gein human skin lamp.”

I can’t decide if these make me want to decorate for Halloween (time-consuming!) or just go the easy route and get pregnant with “accident-prone” Albino quadruplets.

These unborn fetus models are the only things that have ever made me regret my abortion. Just kidding! My body is a hostile environment that can’t support human life. Just kidding again! I was born without reproductive organs. Okay, I actually had them removed so I’d look skinnier. My goal is to weigh slightly less than a fetus.

Etsy: Purveyors of all things “awwwwwwwwwww.” And also this. I think this thing may start a new decorating trend. I’m calling it Log Cabin-Goth.

I should have known something was wrong when Chairy started running off to the bathroom after every meal. She may be dead, but she’ll live on as played by Tracey Gold in the Lifetime movie adaptation.

Shockingly, these chairs do not come with complimentary cat and Doctor Claw glove. That wasn’t funny. Hey, cut me some slack. What about this … Go-go Gadget Jokes! *Accidentally punches self in the face with Gadget Fist.”  I should have gone with Danger Mouse humor.

It should be pretty obvious: the Virgin Mary is a Blood.

When you become a DIY master, you can actually craft your own Anorexia.

Turns out the Holy Spirit entering your body feels exactly like brain freeze.

Holy Wine popsicles via my badical brother.