I saw these sticky notes on Fred and Friends and instead of reading the note on this guy’s back as “you’re broke,” I read it as “you honkey.” That’s really all I have to say.

I told my last man-friend that I wanted a trip to Paris for Valentine’s Day. Instead, he got me this Eiffel Tower broom. Yeah. Paris, Paris icon-shaped broom? Same dif. Just like being sedated and operated upon with a surgical blade is the same as me duct taping you to the floor and going after you with a rusty cheese grater. What? You’re the one who wanted a vasectomy.

PS – All of that is a lie. I hate fucking Valentine’s Day.

This shelf is perfect for small items like your keys, spare change, Colgate Wisps and, of course, your wiener.

via Alan “Full House” McCoy

Repurposing my trusty shovel as a coat rack is a good idea in theory. In actuality, I don’t want blood stains and skull bits inside all my coats.

murder, murder, murder

via CribCandy

Me and these angry broccoli magnets are brothers from other mothers. His mother? Soil. Mine? Beelzebub.

Remember when I ripped on Barney Rubble’s wiener some weeks ago? Well, the little son-of-a-bitch has redeemed himself by lending his mug to these vintage hangers. Seriously, how fucking cool are they? If I were a kid I would totally hang my kiddie halter tops on these. I was such a kinder-whore.

Men have always outperformed women in the workplace, due in part to their ability to compartmentalize and in a part to the fact it’s really hard to work when people are constantly trying to snap your bra strap. For now, this is just a Little Black Dress cabinet, not a fembot thirsting for world domination and some deep dicking. But it’s already conquered the two keys to success: looking a little slutty and compartmentalizing. It’s got a place for your socks and a place for your clocks and even a little room left for your Glocks. Oh, and you can hide your Rabbit in there too.

Found Via Dude Craft.

Three things I noticed today:

1. I’m extremely liberal with c,o,m,m,a,s. I give them out like your momma gives out paternity tests.

2. I can’t write your momma jokes.

3. This clock is rad.

You can turn this skateboard deck into a wall ornament or a shelf and you totally should because it’s awesome. And if you don’t think it’s awesome you’re just deluding yourself in the same way you do every time you look in the mirror and tell yourself “I do not enjoy the music of Lady Gaga.” You’re a liar and a whore. Now just buy the GD skateboard so we can have a House Party or maybe even a House Party 3.

The description reads, “lift caps to reveal hidden compartments perfect for storing acorns and other treasures.” And by “other treasures” I assume they mean dead leaves, chewed gum, cellophane wrappers, other people’s spit, actual trash and any other gem that’s readily available and not at all to be treasured.

Roost Mushroom Cargo Boxes, $28