Cigarette smoke contains over 200 known deadly poisons, including Formaldehyde, Benzene and Nickleback.

Well this isn’t this a fun, hillbilly way to say, “Gon 2 git groseries. Back sone?”

Zinc Message Boards, $18

I thought this was an under-the-bed freezer and I was like, “Yes, easy access to my Klondike Bars at last.” But it’s actually an under-the-bed gun locker with a 105 gun capacity. I can think of at least five scenarios which require 105 guns in the bedroom. Weirdly enough they all end with you getting your penis shot off.

When I see fill-in-the-blank business cards, I immediately think, “New way to tell people to eat dicks.” Now seriously, go eat a dick.

Is there anything worse than a nest of unsightly cords? Yep. That mess you keep in your underpants. Gee, I wonder if Organizer Monkey would work there, too?

Oh, I see how it is, Internet. The paper towel cubby is sooooo genius, but my corpse cubby just gets me put on another government watch list.

Medieval weapon push pins!!! I love these almost as much as I love actual hatchets. But I like actual hatchets in actual bodies. Not silly corkboards. I’m gonna kill you!!

via Incredible Things

You can buy this triangle notebook if you want, but we all know you’re still a square.

Dirty Doilies are just the thing you need the next time your in-laws are in town. Nothing says “you’re not really welcome here” quite like penises, high heels and open leg squats.

via Incredible Things

I come from a long line of domestic goddesses, so I already have my Grandmother’s recipes framed and hanging in my kitchen. And by that I’ve mean I’ve stapled the label from a bottle of Tequila onto the wall above my Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.