This utensil has a lot going on. On the one hand it might stab you, but on the other hand it might just redneck you to death.

I’m a little teapot,

Short and stout.

Here is my handle,

Here is my spout.

When I get all steamed up

I will shout

That you’ll probably get gastroenteritis from non-pathogenic microbial bone-decay residue contaminating your tea, or possibly even contract cadaverine or putrescine from ingesting toxic doses of the substances.

These lights remind me of you. They’re not that bright and they’re totally screwed…to the wall.

This is called Gangsta Wrap and it’s pretty much you’re go-to when your gifts ain’t nothin’ but tricks and hos.

via Chad “Zipper Bass” Ballew

Coincidentally, Disposable Flask was my nickname in college.

This one time, Nikki, Krista and I had an idea to do a blog spoofing fashion blogs. It was to be called Sea of Snooze (in tribute to our favorite local fashion godess), and on it we would post pictures of ourselves in terrible, boring outfits, running through picturesque fields and making duckface while doing the broken down doll. We even went out and took some photos with our friend Clint. But then we got lazy and forgot about it. The end. This tangent brought to you by What Party, who’s awesome embroidery Etsy shop is currently on vacay. I know. Double disappointing.

I love the shit out of these magnets, but that’s not really what this post is about. This post is really a special announcement letting you know that we are officially receiving bondage spam! I know what you’re thinking, “What the hell took them so long?” Right?

The last thing I want to see is your prune-puckered, raw chicken cheeks sliding around in a clear bathtub. For the record, the first thing I want to see is an all-Amish rendition of Small Wonder on Ice.

LukeLampCo swears this is DIY Clay Skeet Mason Jar Candleholder is “The Most Manly Gift on etsy.” Well, Luke, clearly you haven’t seen this Scorpius Codpiece and Belt. Exactly.

I can’t wait to make these Vintage Camera Nightlights and give them to you. Except mine will be real cameras specially made for the bathroom. I’ve been looking to throw up more and something tells me your nakedness just might do the trick.

via CMYBacon