Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Old College Try

Why say with your mouth what you can say with a pennant? Hatefulness is 18% more impactful on a pennant. Everyone knows that.

Monday, August 26, 2013

I’m the Bossiest of Them All

It’s been far too long since I’ve demanded things of you, but I’m back!

The Boyfriend’s company, Field Day, is a nominee in the Martha Stewart American Made competition and we can’t think of any good reason for you not to vote for him. Lose your arms to a rabid bear? Make like Stephen Hawking and vote with your face. Don’t own a computer? YOU FUCKING LIAR YOU ARE READING THIS ON A COMPUTER.

The benefit to you is that by clicking this link you can ogle his stupid-hot self and also cast a kindly vote in his direction. As a thank you, I’m putting the tit in gratitude and flashing my laptop in your honor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday, July 12, 2013

Lil’ Fuckers: Wipeout

I hope this felt shark likes skidmarked underwear because if he lives at your house, that’s what he’s gettin’.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Sip Up on This, Fart

If you’ve ever suspected that your parents screwed you and your name is longer than five letters, it’s officially official. They did. Krazystraws are personalized straws that can say anything you want under five characters. Silver lining? ALL the four letter words fit.  Even ‘pube.’

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Stuck Up

These Thumb Tacks are more fun than a night at the clubs. And likely filled with less pricks.

via Alan “Thunder Dump” McCoy

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Brain Dead

It’s a good thing this isn’t life size or, you know, you’d need a microscope to see yours. Oh wait, this isn’t a dick…

 

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Bitter End

If you melted away my outsides you’d find two dusty ovaries and a bottle of Heinz vinegar, but if you melt away this cat candle you’ll find a metal skeleton of amazement…and hopefully tetanus.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Hamming It Up

Hold on. Recovering from vomiting after writing that terrible post title. “All your post titles are terrible.” Well, you can go to hell. Be sure to say “hi” to my mom when you get there. Back to this post. It’s about this Jon Hamm coloring book I found via the Etsy Pinterest boards. Love it. Because nothing says “holidays” like a coloring book about a handsome, lushy anti-hero with a burger problem. Except waking up dazed in a strange bed next to a department store Santa. Or a handwritten card that reads, “One free pass for anal.”

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Me-owwww

I heard that every time you burn toast a kitten masturbates, but that can’t be true. Can it?

Domo Toaster, $40

via Incredible Things!

Friday, October 19, 2012

The U. of Eye

There’s a fine line between creative genius and homicidal psychosis, and that line is BFA diploma viewed from the side while it’s laying on a table. There’s also a fine line between blogging and being investigated by the FBI, and that line is a Google search bar that’s constantly populated by the words “Ed Gein human skin lamp.”

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