I like anything cheap and plastic (except the Real Housewives of any city), maybe that’s why I love the idea of this $3 Chair Exhibit. Highlights include “White Plastic Chair,” “Plastic Chair in Wood” and “Gold Chair.” Lowlights include “Slider Chair,” “Statement Chair,” and, apparently, the ability to name art.

via mocoloco

Dateline, My Butt. The Chilean earthquake altered the axis of the Earth and  slowed time. But, breaking news, the value of a picture has changed and brought world-wide financial markets to a standstill. The picture-to-word ratio has plummeted from 1:1000 down to 1:140 over the course of the time it took someone to create The Museum of Tweets. No, not 140 words. But 140 characters.

That’s right. Filling your 401k with the scribbled drawings of  your toddlers was a bad move, as was allowing your employer to pay you in doodled-up napkins. You should have taken the empty gum wrappers and chewed shoelace ends like I did. Now if you’ll pardon my running off, I have a money-diving appointment with Scrooge MacDuck over in the natatorium.

They should move that litterbox to the bottom of the slide. That way when Smoofy Flufferpants needs to take a kitty tinkle downstairs, he can just slide his furry little hiney right into his widdle baffroom. Also, I’m gonna give birth at the top of the slide and let the baby land in the litterbox.

If we were in England I’d tell you to be the belle of the bloody ball. But since we’re not I’ll just point out that this chandelier doesn’t come with any applicators. Which means you can stick your hand way up in it. And sure, it might feel a little funny at first, but remember, it’s your chandelier. Finger it.

via The World’s Best Ever

When I tire of Red Vines for breakfast, I like to make stuff that only requires adding water and spraying Pam on a griddle. That’s why I love this shit*. And maybe it’s the spinster in me, but I like that I can save the extra batter in the fridge for three whole days…just enough time to knit a new cozy for my cat.

*I know this is such a random effing post, but seriously, Shake ‘n Pour is so good and easy!! (Kind of like your mom.)

I desperately want the Candelier: a chandelier made of fifty pounds of gummy bears. The price is available upon request, but I can only assume that it costs a billion dollars. Maybe some of that is hush money, so they don’t write in your obituary that you died from a severe case of simultaneous electrocution and constipation. They’ll say it was something way less embarrassing, like Toxic Shock Syndrome.

this is a space holder and also a space cowboy

via Swiss-Miss

If the bed is a rockin’, don’t wear your socks in. Because if you do the bed will only be rocking to the rhythm of your clammy-handed self-love and silent sobbing. Weirdly enough, I’ve heard that is exactly how every Blink 182 song was composed. That’s right Travis Barker, I dissed you instead of Nickleback. Eat your crispy little heart out.

Does this poster rule –> Yes.

Do you suck? –> A little bit. –> I’m not going to lie.

Artist Haroshi makes art out of old skateboards. I, on the other hand, make art out of skateboarders. Okay, fine, I call it “art”, you call it “roadkill” or “carnage” or “vehicular manslaughter.” Jesus, everyone’s gotta have an opinion.

via Clint, whose bowling name is Clunt

When I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be a South American dictator. Instead, I grew up to work in advertising. But it’s nice to know that if I so chose, I could use words to better the world instead of to sell it whitening toothpaste and poor self-esteem. Sometimes it’s fun to imagine what life would be like if I weren’t evil.