I can’t wait to make these Vintage Camera Nightlights and give them to you. Except mine will be real cameras specially made for the bathroom. I’ve been looking to throw up more and something tells me your nakedness just might do the trick.

via CMYBacon

Where the hell is the bandage for Pimp Stab? Uh… I’m asking for a friend. And yes, the friend and I do doubles. Just negotiate a price with my pimp.

The guy who made these radically nerdy Mario and Luigi birdhouses was an actor in a commercial I shot for my real job. A NAKED actor. Yes, that’s right. I’ve seen the dude’s Bowsers and Donkey Kong. And the best part? Advertising is nothing like college, so I got to see it all without showing him Princess Peach.

A Mr. Tea Towel?!? I feel like we all should have thought of this one million Murdochs ago.

Those fuckwads over at Keep Calm Gallery owe us pretty big for inciting this bullshit. The good news is they’re finally paying up. Check out this super swank gold foil Smile print. They actually have quite a few cool prints on their site and they’re located in the UK so cheers! ‘ello! and wanker! to losing your ass on the exchange rate.

via Style by Emily Henderson

You may recognize this as the wrapping paper I used to wrap all those fantastic gifts I left on your doorstep last night. Wait? You didn’t get them? Damn you Hamburglar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, this wrapping paper is $2,000 away from being real. Go help them out on Kickstarter, because God knows I’m too cheap to.

Look what the ding-a-lings at FLOR did. They give you the idea and know-how to cut a regular-shaped rug into an animal-shaped rug. They remind me of every single girl at Senior Prom — giving that shit away for free.

First, they fill the cupcake with frosting! And then they fill you with self-loathing! Fun-da-middles! Fuck you, clothes that fit!

P.S. I do hope you all realize that these will be (literally) stuffing the (gut) stockings of every single loved one in my life because they sound ridiculously delicious.

I really want to like those holiday Target Lady commercials, but I just can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried. Instead, I kinda wish this plaster hand would drop the lightbulb, come to life and strangle her overacting little throat. P.S. I’m a little stressed out these days. Is it that obvious?

Here’s a simple way to kill two birds with one do-it-your-damn-self stone. While you’re at The Home Depot picking up a shovel to dig out the yard for this project, go ahead and snag some cement mix. Then while your husband works on this for the kiddoes, you can kill the bitch he’s cheating on you with, pour a pair of cement shoes and toss that whore in the river. A couple hours of labor and you have a sunken trampoline and a sunken tramp. Easy-sleazy!

via the Pinteresting fingers of Sherry from Young House Love